Watch the Pendulum Swing
by Faery Goddyss
Summary: Through his orange hoodie, Kenny watches his life past by. Friendships and relationships will be tugging and he's the first one being ripped apart. Possible Slash. Complete.
1. Paper Wings

**Disclaimer: **I do not own South Park.

**AN: **Hello! I come from the land of writing anime so I cant believe I'm attempting this, a South Park fanfic, but I've been reading them for so long, that I wanted to try my hand at writing one. I suppose I should give some warnings (wow, I've never had to do that really). Though I do want to point out, the romance in this fic could be strong friendship, slash, or just some weird fascination. That's why for now, its in the general genre. (You're all going to kill me because I keep changing the summary! Its jut I keep changing my mind, and nothing seems to suit! Sorry!)

**Warning: **This fic may contain language, sexual content, and _perhaps_ slash.

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**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

It's the same old shit. Routine, nothing has change and nothing will change. I'm at my locker stuffing in some books and retrieving some others for the first class of the day. Western Civ. It bores me, but so does school in general. South Park has stopped being interesting. Nothing happens here anymore. I dare say we're a normal town now. There hasn't been an sign of aliens, people from the future, Mr. Hankey, none of that stuff that we knew as children are present anymore.

Its as if it was all part of some other life, a parallel or something. Now we're just normal teenagers with normal problems. All we worry about is our own lives and graduation which is approaching. Too bad that means nothing for me. I don't have anything to look foward too. I didn't get into an Ivy League, I didn't get a scholarship to an outstanding sports university, and _my_ mother wont whore herself to pay for my trip around the world.

No, I get to go to work with my high school education. I get to continue to stay poor and to stay at home. If I'm lucky I can get a job that doesn't include just having sex with the female population of South park for some extra cash. Not that I mind the sex, but some of these chicks are fucking crazy. One stalked me when I didn't call her after a week, I guess she hadn't heard of a one night stand before, and another tried to stab me and ran off with my wallet. She didn't get far before she just tossed it in the garbage. It was empty. Big surprise.

Now I'm just trying to suppress the pain from the cut she gave me. Dad saw it of course. I was changing for bed, and he didn't knock, as usual so he walked in on me. He was drunk like always, and he looked at me up and down, too long for comfort, as if I was going to be his next lay. What a fucker. Thank god for growth spurts. Now I'm taller and probably stronger than my old man. So if his twisted head got any ideas I'd be able to hold my own.

But still, the beatings I got when I was little have left their marks just like this cut wound will leave. I groan as I push myself away from my locker. I had been resting on it but I heard the warning bell. Five minutes to class. Great. Of course my locker is on the opposite side as my first period class. Even if I was to sprint I'd be late. This high school is huge. South park doesn't have one so we all have to commute the hour to get to school.

I sigh, and start walking to my class, so far the day has been uncharacteristically good, ignoring the filth that is my life. Haven't seen that fat fuck anywhere, which can only be a good sign for me, and Kyle and Stan, well they're headed toward me now.

Kyle and Stan. Damn, sometimes I wonder if they are gay. Obviously Cartman thinks so, but what the hell does he know? He makes assumptions on everything. It can be weird to watch them walk together. They're such good friends, always laughing and talking animatedly to one another as they keep each others pace. Kyle's red curls bounce with each step, he's finally stopped wearing that green hat, which has in turn allowed his hair to grow in a somewhat tameable bob. Stan reaches to brush some hair out of his eyes, he's always had great raven hair. I try to ignore my own blonde locks, they're dirty, but I refuse to wear that old orange parka anymore. It just doesn't fit in the least. Not since that huge spurt I had. Now its just a dirty old brown coat I stole from Goodwill. I didn't have the heart to steal something better.

Since the day we came to this school everyone marveled at the odd friendship that my two friends share. The smartest guy in school, best friends with the big man on campus, the jock. It fazes even me sometimes. What fazes me more is just how close they are. I've never seen a stronger friendship. A lot of the friends everyone had in elementary school have managed to fade away, especially when we came to this high school that was untainted with the people from South Park. It was like discovering a whole new breed of people. People with brains, who didn't believe in the shit we did, who never had celebrities come to their town to rant and rave.

Stan spotted me first. "Hey Kenny!"

What amazes me more is that these two still consider me a friend. Here, are two of the most well known students in school and they still socialize with me, the poor piece of shit, as Cartman likes to refer me as.

I smile, despite the fact that I don't feel like smiling, and wave slightly, meeting them both half way.

"You weren't at home when I went to pick you up, how did you get to school?" Stan asks adjusting his back pak.

"Yeah." I rub my shoulder where I was cut. I cant tell them I had one of my lays drop me off at school. As far as I know Stan doesn't know about my whoring ways. I know Kyle does, that's why he's remaining quiet. I already asked him a long time ago not to tell anyone. Kyle's a good guy. He worries but he's he kept his promise. He came across me one night two years ago when I was leaving the girls house. It was in the better part of town, so it was no wonder he was walking by.

The girl just wouldn't let me go, she kept asking for just one more time, but I had to leave, I told her. Actually I was just bored with her, it ended up being the last time I saw her. But since she wouldn't let me go I allowed her to suck me off one final time. Unfortunately we didn't quite make it back inside, she just sorta pulled me to the side of the house where the trash bins were.

While I was trying to keep my moans down to a minium, Kyle, his good heart, assumed that some cat or whatever was hurt. Fucking figures. And that's when he stumbled upon me, doing what I do best. It was awkward, the girl knew Kyle's family, and she begged him not to say anything. Of course he wouldn't so she just fled inside, whispering for me to call her later. Classy girl right?

Kyle stared at me for awhile, did I mention the awkwardness? He was curious, asked some questions, wanted to make sure I was okay and such. I told him I was and that's when I told him not to tell anyone. I knew most people assumed this about me anyway, given my father, but I didn't want the stories to be stamped as truth. That would be the last thing I needed. Kyle complied and we walked to his house together, I said my goodbye and continued down the road to cross the tracks.

He hasn't said anything to me about it since, but I know he wants to ask more. Kyle seemed to catch on finally how I got to school and he motioned for Stan and him to get going.

"Hey we're going to be late." He points out.

"Oh yeah," Stan adds. He turns to me and smiles. "See you at lunch then?"

I nod and watch as they walk off, entering a class a few feet away from my locker. I start my own walk to class, hearing the final bell go off, letting me know its my tenth tardy and that another pink slip with the word _DETENTION, _is waiting for me.

I drone out during Western Civ., and barely hear the bell ring that releases us for passing time. Only when someone bumps against me do I look up and see that everyone else is piling out. I stand, gather my books and make my way to the exit.

"Kenny, could I speak with you a moment?"

Damn. I turn back and to walk over to my teachers desk. He's leaning against his chair spinning a pen. Mr. Johnson, is probably the best teacher we've got in this school and usually I give him the respect to at least listen in his class, but today, something has been distracting me, aside from the throbbing pain in my shoulder. Hmm, maybe after this I should head to the nurses office.

"Yeah?"

"Kenny..." he begins and sighs. "I've talked with your other teachers..."

Shit. That cant be a good sign.

"And it seems at this point, there is no way you can pass senior year at the rate you're going."

"What!" My jaw drops. I know I haven't been the best student, but to not be passing _any_ of my classes?

"We think the best option is to get you a tutor. Though, I'm going to be straight with you, if you don't get at least a C average in every class you _will _have to repeat this year."

A fifth year! I'd have to be fifth year! As if being white trash wasn't icing on the cake, I'd have to spend another year in high school! With the junior class! That wasn't an option. It seemed Mr. Johnson could see the horror in my face and he smiled.

"Don't worry Kenny, graduation is still five months away, there's still plenty of time to turn your act around. Its not too late." He began shuffling through some papers. "Your other teachers and I are going to go through some students that would be best at tutoring you and we'll have someone by tomorrow alright?"

I nodded numbly.

"Alright, get going to your next class before you're late for that one as well."

I nodded again, when he spoke back up. "Oh and Kenny?" I turned. He was holding out that shiny pink slip. I groaned and grabbed it. He smiled again as I took it. "And while you're at improving your studies why don't you work on your punctuality?"

Shoving the slip in my jeans I began walking out of the room, trying my best to avoid the students that were coming in. There just isnt any common courtesy in this damn high school, no one ever moves out of your way. Of course, one cant avoid a giant shell of lard.

"Aye! Watch where you're going you piece of shit!"

"Sorry Cartman," I mumbled, still in my daze at the thought of not being able to graduate with my friends.

He turned, not knowing it had been me that bumped into him. "Ah, Kenny, I've been looking for you."

My head snapped up as my eyes narrowed. "You have? Why?"

"We'll talk at lunch." He smiled, but it wasn't a genuine smile like a friend gives another friend. Cartman has always, and will always be an enemy. An enemy I just happen to hang with a lot. I said nothing and made my way out, walking fiercely to my next class. I stepped in just as the bell rang. I let out a long exhale.

"Sit down, Mr. McCormick!"

I sighed, and slipped into my chair. Ms. Robinson, my trigonometry teacher is the biggest bitch in this school. It's a well known fact that one of her past times includes failing her students. Luckily I have this class with Stan so it isnt so bad, he sits directly behind me.

As Robinson, goes on about whatever, I rest my head in my folded arms against my desk. I fully intend to sleep during this period. I know I should pay attention, giving the information I just received about my current status as a failing senior, but her voice is just so... harsh. It makes you want to tune her out and sleep. Just as I'm about to close my eyes I feel a poke from a pencil.

I eye Robinson to make sure she's still absorbed in her own voice before turning slightly to face Stan. He hands me a note. I turn back, still eyeing the teacher while I open it slowly and quietly. Its short but gets to the point.

_Are you okay? You seem kinda down today._

I sigh, he doesn't know the half of it. I reach for a pen in my binder but I feel the pain of my shoulder, and I can hear as Stan gasps behind me.

"Kenny, your arm!" He exclaims loudly enough for the entire class to look at me and for Ms. Robinson to turn her head from the white board.

"Mr. Marsh, if you feel the need to disrupt my class, I'll feel the need to hand you a detention slip."

"But Ms. Robinson, Kenny's arm is bleeding!"

She turns to look at my arm, then me. Her eyes narrow in suspicion. As if I planned to be attacked by some PMSing chick. As if I had this done to me on purpose for the sole act of messing up her learning plan for the day. God, what a bitch.

She gestures to a slip of paper on her desk. A nurses pass.

"Mr. Marsh take him to the nurses office." She finally says.

I'm about to stand when Stan bends over to help me up as if I'm bleeding from the head or something. He grabs the pass and we head into the empty hallway. Deserted hallways have always freaked me out. Especially when class is in session, I mean there's always supposed to be at least one lingering student right?

I can feel Stan eyeing me, he wants to know why I'm bleeding, but I offer him no explanation and he waits to the side while the nurse has me roll up my sleeve. I do so, extremely carefully, winching anyway when I catch something on the cut. I bandaged it up as best as I could, but its hard with only one free hand, not to mention that my family's too poor for bandages. So I just snuck out one of Kevin's shirts from his room, shredded it to pieces, and wrapped some of it around my arm sloppily.

The nurse frowned at my handiwork and looks up at me. She knows what goes on in my household, she knows that my father used to hit me when he was drunk. But she has to ask anyway.

"Kenny did your fath-"

I don't even let her finish, before shaking my head.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes dart to Stan who's listening to our conversation curiously.

"I'm sure."

"Well... okay, this is a deep cut, you shouldn't have used a dirty... is this a piece of someone's shirt?" She asks in wonder.

I nod again, somewhat ashamed, really wishing Stan would leave. Aren't these things supposed to be private anyway? I don't like him knowing, even though he does already, how poor my family really is, I mean we can't afford _bandages. _That aside, I don't want him somehow figuring out what I do in my free time, when he's at football practice, when Kyle's studying, and when Cartman's eating.

The nurse sighs, fixes me up and hands me back over to Stan. We head back to class but just as we near it he pulls me inside the boys locker room, looking around for the coach, who doesn't approve of his football players dodging class.

"What happened to your arm?"

I want to look away but his voice sounds pleading. I guess he really wants to know. But I would never tell him the truth. I don't want his image of me being tainted even further the way I know Kyle's must be.

"I slipped is all, okay?"

He's not satisfied with my answer and I can tell. Too bad, because that's all he's going to get. He sighs in irritation. Then changes the subject slightly.

"Things are still okay at home right?"

"Yeah."

"Even with your dad?"

"Everything is fine."

He nods his approval. "Because if you ever need a place to stay or something, you know my family would be more than happy to have you. You could stay in Shelly's room since she's away at college still."

I know this, and he knows that I know this. A few years back, when my dad had done a number on me, I ran off, not really thinking, ending up at Starks pond. Stan was there with Wendy, they were hidden in the shadows obviously making out, and I was about to slip away before they heard my choked sobs, but Stan heard anyway.

He saw the bruises and I had to watch as both he and Wendy eyed me in sadness. I hate being pitied. I really do, and I kinda wanted to shove Stan's face in for pitying me so badly, but I knew he meant well, and that's when he made the suggestion that I stay at his place for a few days. Wendy agreed and left us, knowing perhaps we needed time alone, as this was a friend thing. I did always like that about the girl. At least she knew when to leave things alone, she never did question me about that day.

I ended at Stan's for a few days, basking in the comfort of their house, of Mrs. Marsh's great cooking, and of the family's kindness. But as they say, all good things come to an end and soon my mom came for me. She was red eyed, from crying. Apparently she had been looking for me everywhere. She couldn't have looked very hard as I only have three friends and it had been five days since I had been at the Marsh's. Anyway, she said she threw dad out for good.

Of course it wouldn't be for good. But I went home with her anyway. Despite the fact that my mothers a rather weak woman, I still love her and I hate to see her cry so I went back. Dad came back about two weeks later, saying he "sobered up". Right.

Since then, Stan's been more close with me. Its nice, I guess. Having someone worry about you, but part of me just thinks he does it because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to. Besides, its not like we're best friends. I could never be that close with anyone. I could never tell anyone my secrets. But between all my friends if they all combined the information they had on me, they'd know everything. But as it is, Kyle and Stan who know these things about me, wouldn't even confide in each other as I've requested that they don't. So each is left in the dark.

Stan and I head back to class. Ms. Robinson eyes my shoulder, but she says nothing and continues on with the lesson. I go back to what I was going to do originally. Sleep. I rest my head and inhale the smell of the permanent markers that were used to decorate this fine desk, the last thing I hear is the shuffling drone of Robinson's voice as she mentions something about a mid term examination.

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**AN**: Eh? Its my first South Park fanfic, so will I get any slack? Nah, I don't want any, please be honest. And I am, I think, going somewhere with this. If I'm not, I'll let you all know. Please read and review! 

_Faery Goddyss_


	2. The First Drop

**AN: **Thanks for all the reviews everyone! I tried really hard to think of something more...defining, as a plot, and I only hurt myself. So I hope everyone stays with me as I work through this, and as we go through Kenny's troubles and tribulations!

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**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

I'm stirred awake by Stan's hushed voice. He's trying to wake me quietly so Robinson, doesn't hear. I lift my head slowly so she doesn't take notice and give Stan a murmur of thanks as I follow him out of the classroom after grabbing my texts. I yawn and stretch when I'm outside the room, winching when I feel the slight throb from my shoulder. There's silence between Stan and I as we head to my locker, then his, before we start to make our way to the lunch room. He's not trying to hide the fact that he's staring intensively at my arm, and it makes me uncomfortable, so I make a sudden turn and head outside, pushing the heavy metal double doors open.

Stan wants to know, but I don't want him to know. Why do I care if he knows? Am I this worried that I would be short one friend? I just want him to keep on thinking the only thing wrong with me is my home life. I can still feel his eyes. Now I'm antsy. As I start walking towards the football field I pat my side pockets, my pants, taking out a pack of cigarettes, wondering where the hell I put my lighter last. Heading to the bleacher area where most of the smoker and drug addicts take in their daily addiction, an arm extends behind me holding out a lit lighter.

I murmur a thanks and light up, taking in a deep breath of the toxic fumes. I already feel a little better. I'm eighteen, so I'm not breaking any laws by smoking, ignoring that I started when I as twelve, but the school obviously doesn't allow smoking on campus. Most days I can make it through all my periods before needing a smoke, but Stan's gaze really got to me.

"I didn't know you smoked," came his voice. I turned surprised, I thought for sure he'd continue to the lunch room. He coughs when I accidently blow smoke in his eyes.

"Sorry." I mutter, looking down and kicking the soft blades of grass.

"Its alright." Stan waves a hand to clear the smoke and looks around at the crowd of people under here. No one's really with anyone else. The people under here are mostly the outcasts, kids too drugged up to make any friends. Some of them stare at Stan in recognition, wondering what the star athlete is doing in their turf. I can feel the silent message their sending him, they don't want him here, he's an outsider. Before anything can happen, I grab his arm and pull him off, heading toward the track field which is far from teacher eyes.

When we're far enough away from them I let him go and intake another breath of smoke.

"Maybe I'm just imagining things, but I didn't feel very welcomed there."

"You weren't. What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be meeting Kyle and Wendy for lunch?"

I don't know why, but I sounded almost... bitter. Having said that I remembered that I too, was supposed to meet Cartman for something. Well, what did it matter, it was probably nothing important anyway, but my stomach rumbled quietly.

Stan laughs a little. "Yeah, but I can tell you're hungry too, hope you like tuna fish?"

"If your mom made it, its fine. Thanks. So what are you doing out here, you didn't answer the question."

"Dude, you didn't think I was just going to let you take off like that did you? All of a sudden you were next to me and the next you swerved off. I had to go after you."

I leaned against the chain link fence that separated us from the freedom of the outside world, Stan sat next to me, watching as I put out the cigarette and reached for another. I looked to Stan when I remembered he had a lighter and I didn't. He shook his head at me.

"I did it once, I wont do it again, smoking isn't good for you Kenny, you know that."

I frowned, he would do this to me, when the nicotine was in my body, when I craved some more. I was about to ask why he had a lighter in the first place, when I saw it sticking out of his side pocket. It was a Zippo's lighter with an engraved naked woman. Hm, asshole. He must have pocketed it from me when I wasn't paying any attention. I had been really careful in stealing that and here he stole it from me without me noticing.

"I don't suppose you're going to give me back my lighter any time soon?" I asked.

Stan smirked and shook his head before standing. His smirk soon faded as he became silent. In agitation I began chewing on the end of the unlit cigarette.

"Kenny?" His voice was quiet and somewhat distant. I turned to face him.

I rose a questionable brow, asking him to continue.

"Your arm.."

Not this again. I shifted my stance, and released an annoyed sigh. He knew I didn't want him to know but he kept pressing the matter.

"You're sure, it wasn't your dad right?"

"No Stan, it wasn't him."

"Then you have to tell me how you got that cut! You can't really think I buy that 'I tripped and fell' shit do you!" His voice which had ben rising in anger fell quiet again. "You didn't... you didn't cut yourself did you?"

I couldn't help it but I laughed. "Dude, I'm a lot of things, but a self mutilator isnt one of them." I looked over at his serious face, he looked relieved.

"Good, good. I was worried there for a second. I guess you're really not going to tell me what happened are you?" I shook my head. "Okay, then lets head to lunch before we miss it completely."

I hesitated a moment. "I'll meet you there okay? I have to make a slight detour to the bathroom."

"Sure."

We headed back together, he took a different entrance to the school than I. So before I re-entered the school, I doubled back and extracted my lighter. As if I couldn't pick pocket myself. I smoked faster than I probably should have, ignoring the pressing it gave my chest, smashed it and headed back inside the school. Inhaling the smells of lunch, I wanted to gag. School lunches, have never been my forte. It's the one thing I don't mind not being able to afford.

Lunch itself though... I don't think teachers truly understand its importance. Yes, its where we refuel, where we can finally take our own time and not their's to socialize with our friends, but its something more. Its like heaven in hell. Not that I've ever been to heaven, and hell isnt actually that bad, but my point stays justified. It's bliss.

Even though I cant afford to bring lunch or buy lunch, both Kyle and Stan have gotten in the habit of packing extra food for me. Cartman of course, wouldn't share a crumb with me as he is a bastard. Even if I needed that one crumb to live, he'd rather let me die, saying I'd be back anyway.

Its been years though, since my comical recurring deaths were running rampage. It started by, me only dying every few days, then weeks, then months. Now I feel the next time I die, it will be for good. I guess God's got a heart after all.

I'm about to turn down the hallway where the cafeteria is located when I see Cartman leaning against the wall beside the doors.

He couldn't possibly be waiting for me... it just wouldn't be possible. Eric Cartman. Put someone else before _food_? That'll be the day. He glances in my direction, and smiles when he see's me, he even gives me a little wave.

I guess this is the day.

I walk up slowly, looking around as if I expect someone to jump out at me. It's that same smile I saw earlier. I gawk at him when I finally notice what he's wearing. He's changed into his church suit. I was going to just walk by him, and ignore him, but the suit caught my curiosity.

"There you are Kenny, you sure took some time getting here."

"Uh, yeah, I went out for a smoke... you weren't waiting up for me were you?"

"Of course I was, I told you I wanted to talk at lunch."

"Right." I folded my arms, time to quit the bull shitting around. "Just what did you want to talk to me about now, and why the hell are you wearing a suit?"

"Never mind that, you took so damn long getting here, I don't even know if she's still inside."

"She? Huh? Who are you talking about Cartman?"

He waved his hands in a dismissive fashion and peeked into the cafeteria windows. "Okay, she's still there." He grinned. "Go get Wendy for me."

"What? Is that all you wanted me to do?"

His grin faltered. "Why else would I want to talk to you? You're too poor to be of much use. Now go get her Kenny."

I scoffed, and began walking into the cafeteria having no intention of doing him any favors.

"Aye! If you don't do what I say Kenny I'll tell everyone about what happened at Bebe's party!"

That stopped me in my tracks. I groaned and gave my forehead a rub before facing Cartman and flipping him off. He smiled that evil grin and gave me a dismissal wave, nodding his head in Wendy's direction. I look away and see that most of the people in the cafeteria are shifting their eyes between both Cartman and I. I can see Stan and Kyle to the side with confused looks. I'm taking in the whole lunch scene but its Tweek my eyes are trying not to look at.

Bebe's last party ended up being one in which most people were drunk of their assess, and I was no exception. My disoriented drunk state of mind wandered the attached body up her stairs into a bedroom. One I intended to crash on, I could barely see straight and it was taking all my strength to stand up.

Unfortunately someone was already passed out on the bed. I had never seen Tweek look so... normal. For once he was calm, I thought for sure he still twitched in his sleep but no... He was lying face down on one of the many pillows, the smell of alcohol surrounded him as it did me.

And all of a sudden he began to shine to me. His golden locks were thrown over his sleeping eyes and the slight drool that was cascading from his partially opened mouth appealed to me in a way that can only be justified with drunkenness. Somehow I ended up on top of him, and somehow my clothes were off and so were his.

He must have been near death, because he never woke up as I fucked him senseless. Like the luck that's my life, Cartman walked in looking for Craig, for whatever reason. I was in mid orgasm and he just stared, didn't close the door, didn't say anything, he just stared like a mindless idiot. But his senses came back to him and he grinned, walking out.

It was him walking in that woke me from my drunk haze and I realized what I was doing. I quickly climbed from the still sleeping boy, dressed and got the hell out of there. As I passed Cartman, leaving the party, he hissed something to me. That I owed him if he intended to keep this secret. I didn't respond. I just left, and the next day at school when I saw Tweek he was walking funny. It was going around that he had woken up, completely naked with his ass sore as hell (I knew I had forgotten to do something before I left) . He didn't know what happened, but he blamed it on the liquor he had taken.

I avoided him like the plague for awhile, more than I usually did, knowing that I had taken his virginity without him knowing. Not one of my prouder moments, but what can I say? I was drunk.

And now I owed Cartman. Well getting Wendy wasn't much payment, but if he perceived it as fair trade, then who was I to argue. It could have been much worse. I approached the black haired girl that was sitting across from Stan.

"Wendy?"

She was already looking at me, as she was one that heard Cartmans little declaration.

"Fat ass wants a word with you."

Her brows furrowed in confusion, as did Stan and Kyle's. I said nothing more and took my spot next to her, across from Kyle. She stood slowly and eyed me suspiciously and with question. I put my hands up in defense.

"I don't know what he wants."

"Well, okay... I'll be right back." She parted from the three of us and walked out the cafeteria, the same door that I had entered, where Cartman was waiting.

"What did that fat fucker mean?" Kyle asked curiously, sipping some of his drink.

I shrugged nonchalantly and avoided his eyes. Kyle may know about my extracurricular activities but it was one thing for me to fuck complete strangers to him, but Tweek? That's too close to home. The less people that knew about that one, the better.

Stan was staring off in the direction that Wendy had left. "What could he possibly want with her?"

This time I could shrug in honesty.

"Don't know, but he was wearing his Sunday suit, if that helps any."

It clearly didn't, and he continued to eye the doors closely. I watched as he did so, as did Kyle. Kyle didn't look happy, not that I could blame him. It was a well known fact that Kyle and Wendy hated each other. Their only connection was Stan, if it wasn't for him they'd ignore each other completely, but as they both care for him, they tolerate each other presence.

Stan finally turned back around, shaking his head. "If I didn't know Wendy could take care of herself, I'd be worried."

"Yeah she is getting somewhat butch isnt she?" I heard Kyle mutter to his sandwich before he took a bite.

"What?" Stan asked confused, not having heard.

"Nothing, Kenny here's some of my moms almond sables that you like so much." He pushed a bag full of cookies towards me, having avoided Stan's wonder. I took the hint and took the cookies gratefully. I watched as Stan's eyes lit in remembrance as he handed me the tuna fish sandwich.

"Thanks guys."

"Sure." They replied in unison.

I ate in silence, observing Stan and Kyle talking cheerfully to each other, giving each other friendly pats. At one point I noticed as Kyle's hand lingered on Stan's more than it should have, but Stan didn't seem to notice, or to care. Kyle thought he caught me staring and retreated his hand. Even though I had witnessed that touch, it wasn't what I was staring out. As both the guys were facing away from the doors they didn't see the a girls head peeking in through the cafeteria windows. Her eyes were in my direction, but they weren't looking at me. She was looking at my two friends as they continued their chatter.

Lunch came and went, and Wendy never returned.

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**AN**: Oh! I just remembered something! I answered BratChild2's newest challenge, to read it simply go to Freedom of Speech Fanfiction and search for my name. Its the only story I have there so far and its called 'Nowhere Fast'. I also put a link on my user bio, but those dont always work. 

I'd post it on fanfiction, but its kinda NC-17 (? I don't actually know but I didn't want to test those waters). Haha, so you're warned. It's lemony slashy goodness, so go take a read! Please read and review both stories!

_Faery Goddyss_


	3. Tip the Scales

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

When the lunch bell sounded its end, Stan was concerned that Wendy still had not returned, convinced Cartman did something to her. I thought of mentioning that I saw her look in at us through the cafeteria windows at one point, but thought better of it. Why cause unneeded questioning? I gave a wave to my friends and departed from them in a different direction, listening as Kyle tried to calm Stan down. I'd think Kyle would be more than happy that someone else is pissed at Cartman as he always is. But its rather obvious, he's not trying to calm Stan down about Cartman, but Wendy. I can tell he was happy she never came back and he'd been trying not to relay that through the lunch.

At the end of school I wasn't happy to be the one to carry the news to Stan as he stood leaned against his car, waiting for Wendy.

"Dude, she isnt coming," I said finally, settling myself in the back.

He looked at me in question, Kyle too.

"I saw her and Cartman drive off already in his car."

"What!" Stan looked down and frowned to himself, before eventually opening his door and sitting down in the drivers seat. Both Kyle and I eyed him from the back, as Stan drummed his hands on the steering wheel for awhile. He suddenly started the engine and took off.

An hour of awkward silence. I'm used to it, but Kyle was fidgeting. He wanted to say something, his aura was blinding me the way he was bursting with his withheld comments.

"What Kyle?" I had to ask, and noticed that instead of Stan usually looking in the rear view mirror, in order to look at us occasionally as he drove, his eyes stayed on the road.

Kyle glanced at me in surprise. I don't think he thought he was being obvious. "Oh, uh, I was thinking we could all go to my house tonight? We could just hang out, play some video games...?"

I didn't make a move as I looked at the back of Stan's head. Had he even heard Kyle? I looked back at Kyle and nodded a yes.

"Stan, what about you?" Kyle pressed.

Stan finally looked up at us through the mirror, he looked sort of out of it, but he shook his head slightly. "I think I'm going to go to Wendy's tonight."

Kyle wasn't happy, and he voiced his unhappiness. "Why? Dude, she ditched you for fat ass, why would you want to go see her?"

"She didn't ditch me! Cartman probably blackmailed her about something! I'm going to go over to her house to find out about what."

"What is wrong with you Stan, are you so blind! Cartman has a fucking thing for her! She probably wants him too the way she took of with him. It makes perfect sense that a bitch would go out with an asshole."

My body jerked forward, Kyle's too as Stan smashed his foot on the break. His eyes stayed straight ahead on the road and he didn't say anything. Beside me Kyle released a deep sigh as he closed his eyes, clenching his fists. "I'm sorry," he began. "She's not a bitch I shouldn't have called her bitch and she doesn't want Cartman. I'm sorry."

Stan didn't respond but he continued driving. I was reluctant to get out of the car when we arrived at my house. Neither Kyle nor Stan had said a word after Kyle's outburst on Wendy, and I almost didn't want to leave them alone together. Unfortunately I could hear the crashing sounds inside my house and it was best if they got out of here before either one saw something unpleasant.

I didn't bother asking Kyle if he was still up for hanging out tonight, that was silently cancelled through the fight. "See you guys tomorrow?" I asked stepping out of the car.

Kyle nodded and gave me a slight wave and Stan turned to face me giving me a small tight smile. "Later dude." Then he drove off.

I walked toward the front of my house, glancing once more at the back of Stan's now distant car before entering. Dodging a flying glass bowl that barely missed my head I walked past my fighting parents without saying a word and they didn't acknowledge my presence. My moms cheek was freshly bruised but I didn't give a second thought to it as I began scooping up broken dishes, empty cigarette packs on other miscellaneous junk, dumping it all in the garbage in the kitchen. I reached over the broken coffee table and turned down the blaring volume of the second hand television so my parents could hear as they screamed at each other. Proceeding to my room I fell face forward down on my bed, giving in to the tiredness I suddenly felt, wondering slightly, where the hell Kevin was.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up from the banging on my window. Shaking my head a bit, I climbed out of my bed tripping on some empty beer bottles.

"Shit..." I cursed and rubbed my stubbed foot, kicking the bottles to the side. The banging on my window increased.

It was then that I realized it was dark out, I glanced at my digital clock, it was out. I went to turn on my lamp. It was out too, looks like someone didn't pay the electricity bill... again.

The banger banged louder.

"I fucking heard you the first time!" I yelled groggily. "Dammit..." I reached over to pull open the window, just as I opened it a crack, the window pane fell out of the restrains. I heard someone curse in pain. This house was falling apart too much to bear. I leaned my head out looking at the dark figure.

"You okay?"

The pane was resting on the persons leg, he moved it aside and stood, coming no more than two inches from my face, our noses almost touched. I backed away.

"This isnt Kyle or Wendy's, you can just walk in through the front door, you don't have to sneak in through a window. Which by the way is it broken?"

Stan shook his head, rubbing his neck as he looked down at it. "Is it supposed to come out like that?"

I snorted. "Help me put it back in and go around front."

He helped me heave the giant pane of glass back in before walking off into the dankness toward the front of the house. I met him before he knocked and lead him to my room, stepping over Kevin who was watching the blank television screen.

"Idiot," I muttered to him.

"Does he know the tv is off?" Stan asked.

"Probably not, but the power went out," I sighed and turned the corner to where my room was located, ignoring the thumping sounds from the room a little ways down the hall. Stan looked appalled.

"What the hell is that noise?"

"Either my parents fucking or my dad, beating my mom, but I'm going for the former."

He said nothing as we entered my dark room, the small amount of light coming from the full moon in the night sky. I sat on my bed and motioned for Stan to take the broken chair to the side.

"Don't lean too far to the left, or the whole thing will collapse on you," I told him, as he nodded and sat down slowly, adjusting his weight slightly to the right. "So... what's up? And do you know what time it is?"

Stan glanced down at his watch. "Only 9:30, I thought you'd be awake for sure, sorry to wake you."

"Its fine, I usually go to sleep when there's nothing else for me to do. Oh and you're alright right? Since the window glass fell on you and all?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, it just hit my leg a bit, no big deal."

I nodded and so did he. Ice was broken time to go in. "So what are you doing here anyway? You never come to my house."

"Well... its just... Wendy broke up with me tonight."

I said nothing and waited for him to go on. He didn't.

"Okay...," I've never been the best at consoling people, that's why Kyle is his best friend and I'm not, because he'd know what to say in these types of situations. "That's... unfortunate for you?" I hope it sounded more like a statement for him rather than a question like it did for me.

Because of the lack of illumination I couldn't quite make out Stan's expression, but I'm pretty sure he looked at me weirdly, so I went on.

"What did Kyle say?"

I noticed as Stans silhouette looked down for a moment before meeting my eyes in the darkness. "I didn't go to Kyle, I came here."

"Why?" I asked bluntly. "Kyle is much better at this kind of thing."

"I can't go to Kyle." He stated firmly.

"You two still fighting from earlier today?"

"I guess, but that's not it," he rubbed what was most likely a nonexistent itch on his left shoulder before going on. "When I asked Wendy why she was breaking things off, she said it was because she didn't want to stand in the way of the affection Kyle and I had for each other."

One of my brows raised in curious interest.

"And then she said she'd rather be around an honest guy like Cartman. Cartman. Can you believe that? I'm still in shock about that one, but, she broke off with me because she thinks I'm gay for Kyle. How can I go to him with this?"

I thought back to when Wendy had peeked in the cafeteria. She looked in at the perfect time, when Kyle's hand was laying atop Stan's. Cartman must have said something, Wendy must not have believed it and then Cartman must have had her look in through the window, knowing Kyle and Stan give each other pats a lot. It wasn't uncommon for their hands to brush, but Kyle helped Cartman when he left his hand on Stan's for so long.

"It would be awkward I guess. Well... what do you want me to do about it?" I couldn't help but to ask, and even in the darkness I know he looked taken aback. I did say I wasn't a consoler.

"Nothing really... I just wanted to tell someone I suppose."

My mothers screaming suddenly broke off our conversation. That isnt something a teenage guy, any guy, any person should ever hear.

"Christ." I stood from my sitting position and looked down at Stan. "You want to go outside and talk? The screaming wont die down any time soon."

He quickly nods and as we're about to leave he glances back at me. "Do you want to stay the night? I don't think I'd be able to sleep after hearing this."

"Uhh..." I look at him and at my room, trying desperately to block out the noise. "Sure, yeah, thanks." I pack a bag quicker than I ever had before and Stan and I high tale it out of there. I mutter where I'm going to Kevin, but I know he doesn't hear me, he's still too absorbed in his blank television show.

When I close the door behind me the screams fade and I already feel that much more relieved, what would make this moment better would be a nice smoke. As I pull out a slightly bent, but still good, cigarette I make grab for my lighter but before I can lite it, Stan snatches it away. I glance at him thinking he'd be mad but he looks amused.

"Looks like we're just going to keep stealing this from each other huh?"

I smile, and for once today, I mean it. "Yeah."

We walk to his house in a comfortable silence, he explains the situation in a g-rated version to his mom on why I'm spending the night on a school night and we head up to Stan's neat room. I love the Marsh' place. Everything is so clean, so orderly and best of all nothing is broken. It's already late and even though I'm kind of hungry, having not eaten since lunch, I want to go to bed straight away.

Stan lays out some blankets and a sleeping bag for me at the end of his bed, and I at once hop into it, snuggling beneath the warm covers. I'm more than ready for sleep and I start to close my eyes when Stan speaks up.

"So what do you think I should do?" He asks quietly in the dark after he's turned off his light.

Oh yeah. We were going to talk. I open my eyes and face the popcorn ceiling. "Do you really want to get back together with Wendy that badly?" I ask.

There's a few moments of silence before he answers. "Maybe not. I think I'm just used to having her as a girlfriend, its become routine and I don't care much for change. Also... if I don't try, don't you think she'll keep on thinking I have a thing for Kyle and that he has one for me?"

"That isnt a good reason to want to get back together with her."

"I know... I just don't know how she would get that assumption."

I push up so I'm leaning on my elbows so I can peek over at him on his bed. He sees me trying to make eye contact so he lifts himself up as well and looks over and down at me.

"Stan...," I hesitate. "It isnt much of an assumption. You and Kyle... you're close. Really close... maybe too close..." I mutter the last part to myself.

"But we're best friend, why wouldn't we be?"

"Right...what are you going to say to Kyle tomorrow?"

"..."

He hadn't thought of it and before I can say a word more, my stomach rumbles.

"You're hungry?" He questions me.

"A little, but I'll be okay till morn-"

He's already climbing out of bed and turning the light back on. "Come one there's still plenty of leftover dinner. We just have to be quiet since the family is asleep by now."

I follow him back downstairs and we blindly go across the living room and he turns on the kitchen light, at once heading for the refrigerator, pulling out tupperware full of food. He hands me a fork and knife and places the food in front of me, its still nice and warm and I don't hesitate to start eating.

"Thanks," I murmur in-between mouth fulls of food at the dining table.

"You don't have to thank me for everything Kenny," he says as he eyes me eating.

"Okay. Err... did you want some?"

"No," he gets up and grabs an apple before sitting back down at the kitchen table. He starts munching on it. "Hey have you changed that arm bandage yet?"

I swallow before speaking. "And what would I change it with?"

He puts his apple down and disappears into the blackness of the living room. I can hear him going up the steps and I can hear the groan of the floor boards above me as he places his weight on it. Stan returns soon with some new dressings, takes a bite of the apple and rummages through what he's gathered. I continue to eat and watch as he pulls up my sleeve of my sweatshirt. He gently takes off the old bandages that are caked in dried blood.

He begins to clean off the blood that's still on my shoulder and a shiver goes down my body as his hand comes in contact with my shoulder. He doesn't seem to notice and starts to re-wrap my arm. I'm still eating and the only sound present is my chewing.

"Kenny are you happy with your life?"

The question catches me off guard and I glance at him before returning my gaze to the food in front of me, spooning some in my mouth. "That's got to be the dumbest question you've ever asked me." I tell him.

He laughs despite the fact that my answer wasn't a pleasant one. After a moment or two he steps back to view his handy work on my arm and nods to himself in approval. Now he's staring at me again.

"What?"

"You should cut your fucking hair dude. It'd look cleaner." He reaches out a hand feels the grit of my hair, my eyes dart at him and he pulls his hand back. "I could cut for you if you want." He feels his own locks. "I cut my own and Tweeks once too."

My heart lurches, not in a good way, at Tweeks name but I nod, and he gets back up again this time disappearing into the side bathroom and returns with a pair of hair scissors. He stands and eyes my hair for a moment before thinking of something and gets to work on my hair, a few pieces fall into my food.

"Dude, you're getting my hair in the food I'm eating."

"Just brush it aside," he mutters more to himself than me. He seems to be really absorbed in my hair. I watch to the side as more hair falls and I keep eating, doing as he suggested my brushing the hair aside. As I finish eating all the leftovers from the Marsh's dinner he finishes my hair.

He stands back to look at what he's done and I look at him. He's frowning. "Maybe I shouldn't have taken so much from the side, I think its lopsided." I sigh as he hands me a hand mirror. I guess it doesn't matter, a bad haircut for a black sheep. I glance in the mirror and grin before swiping a hand at Stan, he dodges my attack with a laugh. My blonde hair looks great, still dirty as it needs to be washed, but the cut looks professional.

"I appreciate it dude," I say with a smile.

"No problem."

We clean up the mess of my hair and I put the tupperware and utensils in the sink and we trudge back up to Stan's room and to bed. I stay awake longer than I mean too, getting entranced by the popcorn ceiling, a few lingering thoughts forming into my head before I drift completely. Stan's being really nice to me. The letting me stay here, the food, the haircut, and he's going to be distant with Kyle and he'll probably beat up Cartman tomorrow. All things, that are at this moment, worth smiling about.

"Night Kenny," he says in mid yawn. I do smile and say it back before sleep takes me in.

* * *

**AN**: Too much droning? Oh well, its for Stan and Kenny's developing relationship. Next chapter will be a little more... active... I think, I hope. Please review! 

_Faery Goddyss_


	4. Dancing for Rain

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

Stan and I leave later than he normally would since he doesn't have to pick me up for school, our only stop will be at Kyle's and I can see the awkwardness of the thought already absorbing him as he plays with his cereal.

"It is really _that _bad?" I ask, shoving a spoonful of cereal in my own mouth. Luckily for Stan his mom left early so she doesn't have to hear this conversation, and Mr. Marsh always leaves early in the morning.

"It hadn't really settled in last night, but now... how can I even look at Kyle?"

"You use your eyes."

He gave me a pained look, "what would you do in this case?"

"Bask. Kyle's one gorgeous Jew when you think about it, that soft smooth creamy skin, those red curls, that figure..." I break off in laughter when Stan gags out some of the chewed up breakfast. He looks up at me shocked but then he gives me a sort of nervous smile. He thinks I'm kidding.

"Right, ha-ha, laugh it up."

"I did," I point out. "Don't worry about it, do you think Kyle's gay?"

"No."

"Are you gay?"

"No!"

"Alright, then there's nothing to worry about, Wendy doesn't know what she's talking about right?"

"...right."

As I stand to put the rest of breakfast away I glance over at Stan who's looking intently at his bowl.

"Hey don't you think we should be going?" I ask and he looks up and nods, snapping back into reality.

We gather our school stuff and shove them in the back of the car and head to Kyle's house. It's another clear and cold day in South Park, I ignore the bitter wind that's blowing and rush inside the equally cold car that's been sitting outside all night. We sit in silence as he starts the car and waits for the engine to warm up. When it does he blasts the heat and we drive off to Kyle's. He's standing outside of his house and he gives us, or more likely me, a weird look when Stan pulls up on the side of the road.

He slides himself into the back seat of the car, throwing his backpack in first, "hey guys."

I say it back and give him a wave through the rear view mirror, Stan says nothing and begins clinging onto the steering as he turns back into the street heading toward our school. His turns and lane changes are jerky and I finally have to say something. If we get in a car accident, chances are I'll die and I wont be coming back.

"Would you stop gripping the steering wheel, you're going to get us in an accident."

"Oh," I watch as he loosen's his grip. "I didn't know I was doing that, sorry," seeing this as a window of opportunity to talk, Kyle raises his voice which had been silent since the morning greeting.

"Why did you pick Kenny up first if he's the furthest away?"

"Kenny spent the night."

Kyle doesn't say anything to this and I glance back at him, realizing I could revel in this, but he looks hurt. As if Stan had purposely invited me over and not him. Is it such a shock that Stan would want to spend any alone time with me? We are still friends even if we haven't been the closest, but yes, I guess it is a bit of a shock to the best friend.

"There were some... problems going on at my house last night," I answer him.

"Oh... you know you're welcome at my house as well Kenny."

I nod, remembering that, but I know I'll never take him up on his offer. Like I've said before, I like the Marsh's and I'm not that fond of Mrs. Broflovski. She doesn't know she does it but, I can feel her looking down at me when she see's me. I can sense that she doesn't think I'm good enough to be friends with her intelligent and well brought up son. I know she thinks I'll corrupt him and place him against her.

We arrive at our destination soon enough and head into the school. For the first time in... well ever, I'm in the middle. I'm separating the two best friends, and people are noticing. There's a unified silence as we pass groups of people and neither Kyle, Stan or I are saying anything. I glance over at Kyle and he's looking off to his side. When I look over at Stan, I see he's doing the same.

When I make the turn to where my locker is they both follow. The silence between them is starting to unnerve me and as I open my mouth to say something I hear a recognizable whine that can only be Cartman's voice. He's walking with Butters, and I can barely hear the conversation, but I do hear something about a cream that can fix that itching problem he has. I tune out.

Butters nervously says something in reply and hands Cartman some money before rushing off, giving Kyle, Stan and myself a nervous wave and a stuttering hello.

Cartman turns to us, "well if it isnt the Jesus killer, the poor piece of shit and the fag, morning guys."

It's a quick reaction and I don't even see Stan until he's pinned Cartman up against the lockers across from mine. He's holding a hand against Cartman's throat, and he whines in pain, but we all know with all his fat he doesn't feel a thing, if anything its just uncomfortable, not to mention he just cant fight, and Stan can.

"What the hell Stan! Get off me!"

"You fat fuck!" Stan replies, anger starting to heat his face. It takes a lot to hold someone that big up against a wall, but Stan holds tight.

"Dude, what! Get off me!"

"What? _What! _You know damn well why I'm doing this. Why the _fuck_ would Wendy break up with me with a line like 'someone more kind hearted like Eric!'"

"Ahh, fuck you asswipe you're hurting me!"

"Answer the goddamn question Cartman!"

"How the hell should I know? I don't understand the mind set of a tree hugging hippie!"

"Fuck you Cartman, I know you did something! What exactly did you say to her?"

"Only the truth! That why would she want to date a fag?"

Stans fists clenched in anger. "You son of a bitch!"

Seeing that he wasn't going to be able to get Stan off himself, his little eyes turned to Kyle and myself for help he wouldn't receive.

"Guys! Get him off of me."

We both smirked and exchanged looks, "yeah, in a second Cartman." Kyle told him.

"What! You'll get yours Jew if you don't get your boyfriend off of me!"

"Kyle is not my boyfriend you fat fuck! Get that in your head!"

"If he's not your boyfriend why are you getting so defensive huh?"

I can see Stan is near punching Cartman into shutting up but from the distance, over the crowd that's gathered I can see a taller figure, Mr. Johnson, headed our way.

"Stan get off him, Mr. Johnson is coming our way."

Stan instantly released Cartman, not something he'd normally do but after one fight athletes are benched for the rest of the year. This school doesn't take outbursts lightly.

"You got lucky fat ass," Stan turned to stomp off, Kyle followed, while Cartman began coughing.

"Fucking fag."

"He went easy on you, you know," I say to him as I help him up, while wondering why I'm bothering.

"Dude whatever, I was just messing around, I could take his fag ass anytime," Eric grunts out.

"Right," I respond just as Mr. Johnson walks up.

"Kenny, glad I ran into you before class starts, meet me in my office. Your teachers and I have found someone for you."

I nod and he walks off. I'm glad he didn't say tutor, like I'd need Cartman to hear that I was following in my old mans footsteps. I look back at Cartman who's narrowing his eyes as he brushes himself off.

"Someone for what?"

"Nothing, I'd watch your back, I don't think Stan is done with you yet," he mutters something I cant hear before I turn and make my way down to Johnson's office. Walking in without knocking, I see him scribbling away on a stack of papers. I take my usual seat, having been in here numerous times when he had ran out of detention slips. I turn my head toward the window that's behind his desk. Class hasn't started yet but I can already see some students getting a head start on running laps for P.E.

"Alright Kenny, no point beating around the bush, the both of us have to get to the classroom soon. It has been decided that Kyle Broflovski will be your tutor."

How did I already know that?

"It makes sense, don't you think? He's the smartest one in your graduating class, in the school really and he's a friend of yours, as it appears."

I nod and Johnson gives me a manila of papers. "Inside that folder is a heads up on what's going to be taught this year in all your classes. Normally teachers don't do such a thing, but we worry about our failing seniors. Kyle will be informed in his first period of the teachers decision and if for some reason he declines we have a backup student, but chances are Broflovski will accept. Any questions?" I shake my head, "good, now get to class, I'll be in shortly."

I take the folder and walk out closing the door softly behind me, as I head in the direction of my first period, I open the folder and leaf through the material that Kyle is going to be helping me with for the rest of the year. It all might as well be written in a foreign language as none of it makes any sense. I heave a big sigh before heading back to my locker and grabbing the books I had forgotten about due to Stan's outburst on Cartman.

Today, is the last day of routine, Friday has finally reared its beautiful head and while I should be jumping for joy, but I don't because Stan ends up being in the corner I would turn to for class. He's looking at me rather impassively with folded arms as he leans against a few lockers to the side. I can feel he wants to talk, but now is not the time, and the warning bell that sounds proves that I'm right, but he doesn't seem to hear it. He's in my way of getting to class and there will be no way around him unless he moves himself.

"Where's Kyle?" I ask without thinking and I can see his eyes flash for a second.

"Why do you do that? Why does everyone do that?" He asks back.

"Do what?"

"Ask where Kyle is when he isnt by my side, we don't do everything together."

"Might as well, besides you don't say Kyle's name out loud without saying yours and vice versa," I shrug. "Guess its just habit, look what is it that you wanted? Johnson knows I'm here so I cant be late and skipping is out of the question."

He raises his left eyebrow in question, "since when have you been one to care about the rules? You smoke on campus, you cheat and you steal and you're worried about skipping a class?"

Stan has a point and we make our way into the boys bathroom, booting out some freshman so we can have some privacy. I dump my books on the tiled ground, knowing how disgusting it is first hand, but its cleaner than my own kitchen tile. I hop up on one of the sinks and lean against the mirrors feeling like I'm in an interrogation room, that is if you ignore the sinks, and the smell of the urinals. Stan leans against the door to make sure no one else comes in.

"Okay, what?" I ask when I'm as comfortable as I'm going to get.

"You."

"Me?"

"How could you defend Cartman like that earlier?"

"What? I never defended him."

"You helped him back up and stayed with him when I left, isnt that defending, as if saying what he's done is right?"

"No, I just helped him up, what's the big deal? I didn't do it consciously if that makes you feel better."

"It doesn't. You're supposed to _my_ friend. You side with _me._"

My eyebrows scrunch together, "if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were starting to sound possessive of me." I meant this light heartedly but I didn't feel light hearted when I said it. Annoyance was creeping in when I came to the realization that Stan was in fact sounding possessive. Like I didn't get enough of that shit from girls and at home.

He sighed and looked toward the ceiling. "Sorry, I don't mean to, its just... right now Kenny, I really need you okay?" He looked back at me, "with Wendy suddenly dumping me for, what's probably Cartman, and this whole Kyle thing, it's weirding me out alright? When I was walking to class with him I kept thinking back to all the times we've spent alone together. Watching a movie, ice skating, playing video games, whatever. He stares at me Kenny, a lot, I think too much and I think he finds excuses to touch me more than he should." The final school bell sounds, interrupting him but he continues on.

"I don't know, I just... maybe I'm being paranoid but I cant be around him and feel normal right now. I need you, I need normalcy, and I know this could be asking a lot of you, but we are friends aren't we?"

I nod slowly.

"And friends should be there for each other, and I need you to be here for me, I just... need you. It's just all this stuff opening at once and I'm still so fucking angry at Cartman, and its not like we don't have fun when we hand out..."

He continues on and I try to pay attention but I cant because he keeps saying he needs me by his side, not that he wants me by his side, and for a few moments I think I'm only going to be a replacement for him until he comes back around to Kyle. I hate that I'm thinking that but its's always been like this. I'm only Kenny, nothing special with a not so great life, no one wants me around, but if I can be of assistance to anyone I'm suddenly needed. You'd think a guy would get used to this, but I haven't, especially from someone who claims to be a good friend of mine.

"Kenny?"

Calling my name brings me out of my personal pit of wallow. I look at his pleading eyes, he really does need this, but I won't be ready to return to my backseat when Kyle returns. I know I wont I already know that much, but I cant leave him like this. Stan is a friend, only one of three, two technically, and he's never asked anything of me before so I feel inclined to nod at him. He releases a breath he was holding and smiles at me, and I barely feel as my heart suddenly thumps against my chest.

After school Kyle gets a ride home from Bebe since Stan has to stay after school for a past season football meeting. Bebe also offers me a ride but I decline saying I'm getting a ride from someone else. Kyle looks at me curiously before telling me to call him later about when we can get together. He wants to go over all the tutoring material with me this weekend and I nod in agreement.

"Alright, see you sometime this weekend dude," he says as he climbs into Bebe's girl infested car. I give a small wave as the car maneuvers out of the parking lot.

Actually I don't have a ride home, today, I'd rather walk. It'll take like 7 hours but that's 7 hours of quiet that I don't get that often. This afternoon I have my lighter and I use it. I kick some of the old browning snow wondering when we're going to get a fresh new layer. The air isnt right for a snowfall, but it smells like rain despite the fact that there isnt a cloud in the sky.

I stay as far to the curb as I can walking on the right side of the street. I get honked out by various students who drive this way home, a few from South Park ask if I want a ride home, but I decline them all, walking seven hours isnt so bad. Some of the people are more persistent to get me to go with them, but I stand firm in my decision.

Somewhere in my second hour of walking a car slows next to me. Not knowing the time I still assume its another good Samaritan trying to give me a lift home, I don't even turn to face the car as I say no thank you, and that I'm fine.

"Since when are you that polite?"

The female voice makes me turn my head slowly to face her. It's the same chick who had run off with my wallet and had given me the cut on my shoulder that I still have.

"What the fuck do you want?"

She laughs, "that's the kid I know." I hate that she calls me a kid, I know she's ten years older than me but it doesn't stop her from fucking and cutting a kid. "I've been thinking Kenny..."

"That you ought to apologize for knifing me?" I interrupt her.

She chuckles. "Oh yeah, sorry about that, I needed some fast cash and I wouldn't have had I known you were so broke, anyway that's not what I was thinking... I have some time, I'm not at all busy for a few hours, want to come over to my place?"

My shoulder suddenly throbs as if to remind me what she did to me, but I'm also weary and the cigarettes aren't making me feel better like they usually do, and I do need a good lay. So with a little reluctance I agree and sit in her car. She smiles at me, like this is something she does on a daily basis and it probably is.

There's no more talk when we enter her house, as we make our way to her bedroom, we both only want one thing and its not each others conversation. It was strange this time around, because I wasn't focused like I usually am. My mind wasn't on the naked women in front of me that was moaning my name. I kept thinking of what Stan said to me in the bathroom earlier today and everything that happened the night before at his house.

I think that when I see him next, he'll have to change my bandaged arm again, and I think even more that my hair is cut, it looks different and no one said anything about it, not one person. I think of the upcoming tutoring session with Kyle and how torn he looked during lunch when Stan more or less ignored him. I think how I smiled internally about that and I realize that I _am _happy Kyle gets to be me in Stan's eyes for awhile, second best.

I think what this could mean for me, that maybe I'll finally get what I've wanted for such a long time, a true friend, a great one, one I can tell everything too. As the woman beneath me climaxes and pants out breath she reaches up and brushes a hand through my blonde hair.

"Did, you..." she takes a few breaths. "Cut your hair or something?"

I laugh and climb up off of her, putting my clothes back on. I don't have time for this, I still have a three hour walk ahead of me, and when I get outside its raining.

* * *

**AN:** Hmm... I think this is where the bit of plot starts. I thought of giving Kenny's... er, play thing a name but then I thought, no. Giving her a name means saying she's important and she's not. Thanks for the past reviews everyone! Please make my day and do it again! 

_Faery Goddyss _


	5. Black Masks & Gasoline

**AN: **Short chapter, sorry! Thanks for all the past reviews everyone, you're all so nice to me! This story has a really calm, mellow feel (I think) as that's how I write, but I hope to get in some more...umph, later on. Right now its all about Stan and Kenny and getting them closer. But don't worry I'm a firm believer in Kyle and Stan being together, whether romantically or in friendship.

* * *

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

By the time I get to South Park I'm drenched, freezing and dead tired. Maybe I should have taken all those offers for a ride home. My feet are killing me and I know there is no way I can make the next few blocks to my house, I have to sit and rest somewhere so I choose Starks Pond. Its not that late, probably only seven or so but the ponds deserted, it is around dinner time. I take a seat at one of the few benches that surround the place and decided to lay on the entire bench. I'm facing up with my eyes closed and the cold ice rain continues to attack my face, thought it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm already as wet as I can possible get and I'm so cold that I've turned numb.

I'm getting kind of sleepy but my brain tells me to stay awake and it urges me to go find shelter and get warm but I ignore it, mostly because I don't feel like moving. When the rain stops falling on my face, even though I can still hear it thumping against the bench I open my eyes curiously and look at the holder of the umbrella.

"Dude, what are you doing out here? You're soaked," he asks.

I sit up and he adjusts the umbrella to both our height. "Just taking a walk," I tell him, and he looks at me disbelievingly.

"In the rain? Without a hood or an umbrella?"

"I got caught in the downpour."

"It's been raining for over three hours," he kindly points out and I answer him with my silence.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask, "shouldn't you be inside having dinner or something?"

"I've been looking for you. I almost called your house, before remembering you don't have a phone so I walked over, to ask your parents where you were and when you'd be back. They said they didn't know, before telling me if I saw you to come home and clean the fucking house up. Their words not mine."

I laugh and my body shakes, sending rain droplets from me to him, "alright, what did you want?"

He looks at me for a moment before looking across the pond, which looks black because of the early night, "nothing to be honest, but it's a Friday night and we're two eighteen year olds, it'd be pathetic if we stayed indoors. There's a big party being thrown a few blocks from here, want to go?"

Stan looks back at me with this forced smile, and I look down at myself. "Stan, like you said yourself, I'm soaking wet, besides, I'm not really in the party mood and from the looks of things neither are you."

He sighs, "yeah, not really. I just wanted to wash my problems away in alcohol."

I make him stand with me and he looks at me questionably, "if that's all you wanted I can take care of that, come on." He says nothing and follows me from Starks Pond as we head to my house. Because of the umbrella and the fact that the rain isn't pounding on me anymore my body starts to warm, and the numbness feeling fades, leaving me shivering. I try not to shake and chatter my teeth but after awhile I cant help it. Stan see's this and puts his free arm around my shoulder, but it really doesn't help that much.

When we get to my house I see someone managed to pay the electricity bill as the front light is on. I walk in cautiously and Stan turns to shake off the rain from his umbrella before folding it in, he tosses it on the floor next to the front door and he looks at me expectantly. It doesn't sound like anyone is home. I make a quick search of the house and find that indeed, it's void of my family. I release a huge sigh of relief and make my way into my parents bedroom, Stan on my heels.

I'm ransacking my dad's stash of beer and other miscellaneous liquor, from his broken dresser, pulling out what looks good, only taking a moment to glance at the gay porn that's not well hidden. It's always been strange to think that my white trash homophobic father gets off on gay porn. I close the dresser doors and see that Stan has been watching me as he sat on my parents bed. I cringe inwardly deciding its best that I don't tell him what diseases he may have caught from just touching that bed. He seems to have enough emotional problems as is.

My hands are full of the drinks and I unload some into Stan's arms. He looks at all the booze through wide eyes before we make our way down the hall to my bedroom.

"What is half this stuff?" He asks as he inspects the worn labels, some don't have any at all.

"Stan," I say as I open a small bottle of a clear drink, throwing it down, ignoring the firey pain it causes my throat. "If you really want to drink away your problems you cant take the time to figure out what you're drowning your problems in."

He considers this and swallows some of the cheap beer, he obviously doesn't like the taste but we're not here to enjoy the pleasantries of a nice cocktail.

"You've never drank before, have you?" I ask him, sipping something pink, while half wondering if it should really be that color.

"Not really, I mean I have some wine and stuff on holidays, but nothing this... shitty," when he says that we laugh and when the laughter dies I suddenly sneeze. He laughs again holding out his hand that has the beer in it. "You still have your wet clothes on."

How had I forgotten about that? I nod, and set my pink drink down and I start to walk out of the room before turning to look back at Stan. "I'm going to take a shower, when and if the world starts to get a bit fuzzy, stop drinking okay?"

He nods and I head to the shower. We don't normally have hot water but when I turn on the faucet the warmness comes and I sigh in content. I strip and hop into the hot falling water, taking in deep breaths of the forming steam. I close my eyes like I had done at Starks Pond and let the water cascade down my body, soothing my skin. I only leave when I've used up all the hot water, which is when I remember Stan is still waiting for me.

After climbing out I wrap I towel on my waist and head back into my bedroom, realizing I meant to take in some clothes with me. Stan is still sitting in the same place he was when I left, my bed, and I don't say anything to him until I notice all the empty bottles at the base of my door.

While halfway in my closest I turn to glance at him, "you didn't drink all of those did you?" I ask, as there's more empty bottles there then any non-drinker should drink.

He looks at me with glassed over eyes and looks down at the floor, his head unsteady, "yeah. I think... I know I did."

His words are slightly slurred and I shake my head since he didn't listen to me, he's drunk, completely wasted and its only been an hour. I watch as he gets fascinated with his hands, I'm sure they're dancing with colors and he falls back against my bed in what I'm sure is dizziness.

I peak over at him to be sure his eyes are closed, before quickly putting on some boxers. Just then his eyes open as I start to heft myself into a pair of clean, make that, dry pants. As I look in my dresser for a shirt Stan starts to mutter something.

"What?" I couldn't hear him through his quiet slurring voice.

"I said," he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "Kyle kept calling me, that's why I wanted to find you."

I don't say anything and let him go on, thank god his drunk state of mind seems to enjoy rambling.

"He wants to know why I'm avoiding him...hmph, and I cant say."

"Why not?" I turn back to the important matter at hand, finding a shirt, but everything's either stained or filled with holes.

"It's too weird, I can barely look at him without wondering if maybe he really does have a fucking thing for me. What if he does Kenny, what should I do? I mean he's my friend and I want him to stay that way but if I, I don't know, reject him or something that's going to put a real strain on our friendship."

"You never know, he may not even admit to it," I hold up a shirt in the air, thinking it might possibly be acceptable but then toss it when I see the entire left side is split open.

"Maybe, but that wont make it better because I'll still know."

"Well you cant avoid him forever, he's worried he's done something really wrong. I know if I were in his place I'd be worried."

"Don't worry about you, I'll always be at your side. Sometimes being with Kyle always made me feel like I had to live up to something, like I had to continuously be the best at sports as he was at school so we'd balance each other out."

This made me turn back to him in surprise. He was looking closely at me and I tried to think of something intelligent to say, but the way his eyes were on me... the thing that came out was, "do you think your drunk ass could manage to hand me that shirt on that lamp?"

He turned sloppily and grabbed the shirt, almost causing my lamp to crash to the ground before tossing it to me with horrible aim. I reached down to pick it and when I stood back up he was directly behind me breathing heavily. I could smell his alcohol induced breath and I froze when it touched my skin.

"That cuts going to leave you with a scar," he says as he brushes a hand against where the cut would be if it wasn't for the soaking wet bandage. I allow his shaking drunk hands to rip the bandage off and he brushes his hand over the wound.

"I don't like seeing you with scars Kenny," he says and I can hear my heart thump madly against my chest when he bends down, and kisses the cut on my arm. He then brings his head back up and rests it on the top of my shoulder, his breathing has calmed and I keep my face straight ahead.

As much as his touch sent shivers through my body, he _had_ said that he needed me. Part of that need, I could tell now, was going to be taking care of him in this state he was in. He was a friend and I ignored my body's urges and stepped away from him, putting my shirt on. Stan was only confused, too much had happened because of one stupid Cartman incident. When I glanced back at him he didn't seem fazed and he sat back on my bed.

"Kenny?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not mad are you?"

"No."

"Good," he said in which he ensued to throw up on the side of my bed that I, thankfully, wasn't facing.

I went over to him, sitting next to him on the bed, giving him a friendly pat on his back to be sure he got it all out. "Looks like we'll have to find something else to drown your problems in," I told him. He looked up groggily and nodded before leaning back over, heaving up the rest of the alcohol.

When he was done he fell back against my mattress and looked to my ceiling, blinking tiredly. I made my way off and looked at him for awhile before saying anything. "I guess I'll have to walk over and tell your parents you're over at my house."

"Don't bother, I said I'd be staying over at someone's house, so they don't expect me back till tomorrow afternoon," he croaked out.

"Okay," I said and heaved a sigh and went to work on cleaning up Stan's mess. The whole time I was cleaning he never said a word so I assumed he had passed out. When I had finished I grabbed my lighter, cigarettes and a bottle of beer that he hadn't drank and headed outside. It had stopped raining so I grabbed a ladder from the garage that I'm sure wasn't ours. Climbing to the roof of our house, I sat in the middle beams so the thing wouldn't collapse under me.

It looked like the rain clouds were passing and I could see the snow clouds following from behind, because of the clouds it was pitch black, stars couldn't be seen and I could barely see which cloud the moon was behind. Lighting one of the last few cigarettes I had and after awhile of complete silence I heard a noise from where the ladder was. I leaned over carefully and peeked down, watching as a still drunk Stan tried to climb the ladder.

Balancing the cigarette so it stayed in the side of my mouth I helped him the rest of the way up, before he settled next to me in the middle beam. I unscrewed the beer, took out the stick in my mouth and took a drink.

"Thought you passed out on me," I said to him when I had swallowed a few gulps.

"I was in and out," he responded looking at the lit cigarette in my hand. I was about to put it out for his comfort when he took it from me and inhaled it himself, my eyes widened slightly when he didn't cough the smoke back up like a beginner.

"What ever happened to smoking is bad for you? Especially when you have obviously done it before?" I asked him and he shrugged giving it back to me.

"I'm not addicted like you," he looked up at the dark sky. "I'm fucked up emotionally right now."

"I've always been fucked up emotionally," I answer back

He smirks, but his eyes don't move from their place, "you know what? Cartman can have Wendy, I got bored of her years ago, and Kyle..., Kyle can keep on having a thing for me if he really does. Right now, I'm content with this, you and me Kenny."

I wonder if he'll think like this tomorrow when he's sober.

* * *

**AN:** I would like to point out that smoking is bad for you, Kenny is headed for a road I like to call the road of lung cancer. While I'm at it don't drink until you're of legal age, and even then please drink responsibly. Also when you feel the need to have constant sex with people you don't really know, use contraceptives and check with your doctor often to be sure you don't have an STD so you don't spread it to others. People, AIDS and HIV is preventable, lets be smart and get ourselves checked regularly. :) Please read and review! 

_Faery Goddyss_


	6. Reception Fades

**AN: **Cripes, this update is long overdue. You can all guess what it is. Writers block, I lost the notes on this story so... basically I'm writing from nothing, more so than before... As always thanks much for the reviews!

* * *

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

Holding a glass of water and a couple of white pills I watch as Stan rubs his eyes as he wakes. He's trying to shield his eyes from the light that is penetrating his eyelids. When he releases a groan, I set the water and medication on my side table.

Bending down and reaching under my desk for my school stuff I start talking to him, "take the pills, they'll make your head stop feeling like someone is ramming a jackhammer in your brain." I can hear his painful, but muffled groan as I stuff some books in a bag. When I pull myself from under my desk he's pushing his hands against his ears. His eyes are barely open as he responds to me.

"Yeah thanks, and is there any reason why you're yelling at me? I can hear just fine."

I smirk and hoist the book bag I never use over my shoulder. "Stay as long as you want, I don't think my dad will bug you... but just in case I'll lock the door. Climb out through the window when you want to leave."

I don't think he heard a thing I just said and as I shrug indifferently and start to walk out of my bedroom he moans out something. Turning back to face him he repeats himself, "thanks."

"Yeah no problem, just you know, get some rest."

He nods and finally realizes I'm going somewhere, "wait, uhnn, where are you going?"

"Kyle's."

I watch as the mere mention of Kyle's name causes him to jump up, but he quickly falls back down against the pillows with a bunch of painful noises coming from his mouth. Before he can attempt to say or ask anything more I'm already out the door. Stan needs to rest and his mind shouldn't be on what I'm off to do.

My first tutor session with Kyle... I've only been here for ten minutes and I already want to leave. He's talking about, I think, triangles, but all I can look at is a bunch of pictures that are gracing his room. There's some of all of us. Myself, him and Stan and I'm pretty sure that at one point in time Cartman was in these pictures but he cut him out.

What gets me is of all the pictures of Kyle with Stan. Kyle and Stan at the class ski trip I couldn't afford to go to, Kyle and Stan at one of Stan's football games, Kyle and Stan at Kyle's math team meet. Kyle and Stan at... well my points understood. And in them all they're smiling, arms draped around each other's shoulders. The one I cant stop staring at is of one taken of Stan who's kinda looking off to the side, as if he didn't know the picture was being taken, and Kyle. Kyle's staring intently at his best friend, almost... longingly.

"What's Stan looking at?"

Kyle looks up abruptly, I think he thought I was paying attention. He frowns when he realizes I wasn't, but looks over at the picture.

"Oh," he reaches over and puts the picture face down as if he doesn't want to look at it. "Wendy."

I nod, "you look kind of sad."

"Do I?"

I'm making him uncomfortable, I can tell. Kyle's always had a rather strong and maybe odd relationship with Stan. He never dated a single girl, despite the offers, he just spent all his free time with Stan. He's just not interested, the only person he's interested in is his best friend. His life has always been filled with three things; school, family obligations and Stan, and now the last is slowly pulling away from him.

Kyle looks up at me, his face isn't giving anything away. After a few moments he turns back to my math book and starts talking about triangles again. I try to pay attention, I really do, but all the pictures of how I've always been the odd number in my friends' lives keeps pointing out to me as if they're saying I don't belong by Stans side.

The tutoring goes by slowly, but I do manage to retain some information. Kyle goes over math with me, some science and world cultures. As he shows me out of his house he leans against the door frame as he waves goodbye. We agree to meet again after school on Monday.

The weekend comes and goes. When I had gotten back to my house Stan was gone with a written note on my bed.

_Thanks for everything Kenny. I appreciate it, a lot. -Stan _

I sighed and had crumbled the note, tossing it in the nearby filled garbage can at the side of my broken desk. Now I'm making my way through the usual crowds of people, instead of having Stan to pick me up _she _had dropped by and offered me another ride to school. I guess whatever we had, it wasn't anything close to being a relationship, is back on.

As I'm walking I can see Cartman talking and laughing loudly and rather stupidly with Craig and Clyde. I watch as he starts to walk off in my direction, still talking with the two of them.

"Yeah whatever Clyde of course I know what S&M is! My mom gives it to me every night before I go to bed!" He said half laughing, and anyone can see his confused look as Clyde and Craig burst out laughing, holding in their stomachs as they walk off. Seeing me he quickly walked up and fell in step with me. "Quick Kenny what the hell is S&M, its like Asian people food right?"

I rolled my eyes. Trust Cartman to make sexual comments without knowing what the hell he's talking about.

"Sadism and Masochism." I say and he looks at me dumbly, " it's a mix of sexual pain and pleasure." He continues to give me a stupid look and I heave a heavy sigh as I adjust the books in my arms. "Whips, chains, bondage fat ass! Christ, how do you of all people not know what that is? You lead the most unsheltered life of anyone I know, besides myself." I mutter the last part to myself.

"Shut up Kenny..." his face contorts into disgust. I can only assume that it's a delayed reaction from what he told Craig and Clyde.

I shake my head, chuckling a little bit to myself when Stan walks up on the other side of me.

"What's so funny?" He asks.

"Apparently Cartman's mom gives him S&M every night before he goes to bed," I laugh again and as Stan's right eye gives a revolted twitch, he make eye contact with me before he shakes his head. That obviously wasn't what he was expecting as an answer.

"Aye! Screw you Kenny!"

"What's with the name calling so early in the morning Cartman?" Kyle asks as he approaches the three of us. We make a pit stop at my locker, and before I can reply Stan beats me to it.

"Cartman's mom got tired of doing all of South Park so she thought she'd do a little S&M with her own son," he shrugged as if it was no big deal a smile playing at his lips.

Kyle's face scrunched in disgust as he looked at Cartman, "dude!"

As Kyle, Stan and I break out in laughter he glares at each one of us, "fuck you Jesus killer, fuck you you poor piece of shit, and fuck you fag!"

We continue to laugh as Cartman continues to try and insult each one of us. During mid laughter I realize this is something the four of us haven't done in awhile. I look over at Kyle who's gripping Stan's shoulder to support himself as he's bending over clutching his stomach with his free hand, and Stan is clutching both his arms against his own stomach.

It really isnt that funny and the laughter should have died by now but it hasn't. My own face is releasing tears from my eyes as I peer around. Its odd, because at every angle I see South Park kids. Friends who have drifted over time are talking together. Bebe and Wendy are laughing about something, Jimmy, Timmy and Butters are talking animatedly, Token, Clyde, Craig and Tweek are giving each other punches in the shoulder while laughing...

Everything seems like it did before high school and the only ones who exist are those of us from the little redneck mountain town. I don't want the laughter to end but it has to eventually and the warning bell seems to bring everyone back to their senses. Cartman runs off to go talk to Wendy.

Jimmy and Timmy and Butters part ways to meet up with the newer friends and so do Token, Clyde, Craig and Tweek. I look back at my two friends. I guess its our turn to go our separate ways. When Cartman ran off Stan seemed to remember that Kyle's hand was on his shoulder and he quickly shrugged him off and gave me a look.

"See you in 2nd period Kenny," he says and takes off in the direction of his first period, the same one he has with Kyle who stays where he is, frozen in place he watches Stan leave. Kyle turns to look back at me with a small frown.

"I thought things were back to normal for half a second," he tells me before he walks himself to class, leaving me to stare into my locker.

"So did I," I mutter to myself before closing the metal box and sprinting to my own first period of the day.

As I'm sitting, pretending to listen to Mr. Johnson I start to relay what little has already happened this morning. _"I thought things were back to normal for half a second." _

I hear Kyle's voice say and I wonder... do I want things to go back to normal?

_No._

No, because if they did Kyle and Stan would be back to being buddy-buddy best friends and I'd be on the outside again. But do I want things to continue as they are?

_That's a no too._

"Shit!"I curse to myself, "then what the fuck are my options?"

"What was that Kenny?" Mr. Johnson speaks up and I return to his classroom and look up at him.

"Um... what?" I ask, feeling like an idiot, but at the same time, not caring very much.

"I asked the class what the emperor of Russia was called before 1917, and who could name the last reigning one... you spoke up, do you know the answer?"

"Er...the Tsar and Nicolas II?" I closed my eyes, what complete shit, I pulled that out of my ass, now he'll know I haven't been-

He cuts off my thoughts, "very good Kenny." He smiles at me, "good to know you've been paying attention."

"Oh, um, yeah of course." I was right! Maybe this wont be such a normal piece of shit day after all.

Class continues as usual and when he stops the lecture for the day and gives us our assignment that we need to complete before the end of the period I make my way up to his desk and ask for a pass to the bathroom.

I really need a smoke.

He gives me a pass without question and I take my time through the hallways. Brushing my hand against a few lockers humming to myself. I peek in at a few classrooms and smile in amusement as I see some students fast asleep in the back of certain classrooms. It _is_ only first period. When I pass the class that both Kyle and Stan should be in, I look and immediately my eyes make contact with Kyle. His eyes widen slightly and I see him shoot his hand up.

Is he...? Yeah, he asked to be excused and I move aside from the swinging door as he lets himself out. I say nothing to him, so he asks.

"Where are you going?"

"To take a piss," I lie, there goes that smoke break

He nods at the vulgar term I use and walks with me to the bathroom. Its odd, walking with your friend to go take a dump. Doesn't fly well with me if I think about it too much so I let the thoughts go.

Kyle doesn't say another word to me until we reach the bathroom and until after I take my piss. Which wasn't very much since I didn't have to go in the first place. I emerge from the stall, (I couldn't go in the urinal with Kyle just standing there watching me), and start to wash my hands slowly. I know he wants to say something and the silence and staring is getting damn annoying. When I wipe my hands on my jeans ignoring the paper towel he holds out to me, I stare hard back at him

"What Kyle?" I finally ask.

He looks at his sleeve picking off the non-existent lint as if he had no interest in what I had just said but his curved up lip would say otherwise, "take a fucking guess Kenny."

I sighed, I knew this was coming. With the way Stan was avoiding Kyle and the way I wasn't, he was bound to come to me with his unanswered questions. I'm slightly thrown off from Kyle's anger though. He normally saves this side of him for Cartman, I don't think it has the energy for anyone else.

"Stan?" I take my guess and he nods. "You didn't say anything about it on Saturday," I point out to him.

"I was tutoring you, it wouldn't have been the best time."

"And the middle of class in the boys bathroom is?"

"Its better," he raises his head to look at me. "What do you think you're doing?"

"What?"

"You and Stan, together at the hip all of a sudden with no explanation."

I shrug, I don't think I'm the one who ought to tell Kyle that Stan thinks he has a thing for him, which at the moment, I don't know if its true or not as I look into Kyle's blazing green eyes.

"That's shit, Kenny, complete bullshit. Don't shrug it off like you don't know."

When a creaking noise emerges from one of the stalls we both turn our heads to the stall at the far end. We hadn't checked to see if anyone else was in here and we watch as Butters slowly emerges. He's rubbing his knuckles together looking a little nervous. I'm about to let him get by without a word but Kyle's voice interrupts me before I get the chance.

"Butters get the fuck out of here!"

Butters gives Kyle a surprised look but says nothing before fleeing the bathroom. As I open my mouth to say something he runs back in, washes his hands and then high tails it back out.

I glare at Kyle, "you didn't have to yell at him. What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me!"

Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. Kyle looks like he's about ready to explode as he clenches his fists tightly together at his sides.

"What's gotten into me is that my, what I thought was, best friend has all of a sudden, for no apparent reason ditched me for you. I was going to be civil about this, thought maybe Stan just wanted to spend some time with you as he hasn't in awhile with sports, and well, me. But now, you're inseparable! Not that I mind, you're a friend too but he's ignoring me, avoiding me, doing everything in his power to make sure we don't touch, talk or breath the same fucking air! " He nearly yelled, and after a breath his voice softens. "And I thought we were friends too?"

I sigh in exasperation, "yeah, of course we're friends too Kyle, but how is it my fault Stan's gone homophobic on you!"

I bite my lip, I wasn't supposed to say that, but its too late now, Kyle heard every word and I watch as his breathing pace increases.

"Homophobic? What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing," I turn back to the sinks and start to wash my hands again, forgetting that I've already done it. Just anything to get my eyes away from Kyle's. He doesn't look pissed anymore, no, he looks found out.

"Kenny... h-who told you that?"

This time I take the paper towel he's offering and I sigh, "Stan."

"Stan?" He questions confused.

"Yeah, apparently that's the reason Wendy broke up with him... Wendy said something like she didn't want to get in-between you two if you liked each other. Then Stan started pointing out to me all the times you touched him when you didn't have to... stuff like that..." I trailed off when I saw Kyle swallow, what looked like, a really hard lump in his throat.

"Kyle?" I asked softly.

"So he's spending time with you because he thinks I have a gay thing for him?"

Well that hurt to hear out loud by someone else's voice other than my own, but I nodded anyway and looked down at the bathroom tile.

"I guess that's it then huh?" I say.

"What?" I hear him ask.

"All you have to do is confront him and clear up that mix up and you two are back to being the best friends you are right?"

There's silence from Kyle's side.

"Kyle?" I look back up and see he's now looking at the ground himself, his feet shuffling the floor.

"And what if its not a mix up?" He whispers this, but its hard not to hear when there are no other sounds coming from anywhere around us.

"Oh, then..." I'm at a loss. Part of me already knew this, how could I not? But another part denied it. Kyle liking Stan that way? There's no way... Stan is straight, except when he's drunk it seems, but other that, straight, as an arrow pointing to the 'go collect $100' sign.

Kyle looks up and meets my eyes, they looked pained and he starts to chew on his nails in aggravation. "He wasn't ever supposed to know you know. I wasn't ever going to tell him. I know Stan's sexual preference and it doesn't include other guys."

"You weren't... _ever_ going to tell him?" I ask surprised and he shakes his head no.

"What good would that have done? It would have made things... well, like they are now. I was content with just being his best friend and having him near me all the time, and now..." Kyle let out a long sigh. "I cant believe he fucking knows..."

I watched him pinch the corners of his nose, right next to his eyes. It was a very Stan like gesture. Even in Kyle's sadness, as I watched him shake his head at what had happened, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him that Stan didn't know for a _fact,_ even though that would have made him feel better.

**AN: **Whoo! One more chapter done! I wish I could promise you all that the next chapter will be up soon but I don't want to lie. Please read and review, and I never said so, but **_THANKIES_** to everyone who read and reviewed my _'Nowhere Fast'_ one-shot over on freedom of speech fanfiction! I appreciate it!

_Faery Goddyss_


	7. Stained Glass and Marble

**AN: **It took me _way_ too long how to figure out how to upload and edit this on fanfiction with the new settings. I'm ashamed of myself. Thanks for all the eccentric reviews! I love them! Here's a nice long chapter!

* * *

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

Its been awhile and Kyle and I are still in the boys bathroom. Guys have come and gone, giving us odd looks but not saying anything and for that I'm grateful. At one point in time there's a huge surge of guys entering the bathroom at once, and still no one says anything to us. Kyle looks like he's having a nervous breakdown. He's pacing, biting his nails, and occasionally pounding his fist into stalls in frustration as he thinks to himself. He hasn't once looked to me for comfort and that's another thing that I'm grateful for. I don't know if I'd be able to do it. Though, at one point when I attempt to leave him so he can think alone, he grabs my shoulder and looks directly at me.

"Kenny, could you just stay?"

I nod slowly and situate myself on my favorite place to sit in the bathroom, on the sinks against the mirrors and watch as he continues on with his movements. It's the only time he talks to me, so I guess he just needs my presence not my advice, which I wouldn't be able to give anyway.

When Cartman walks into the bathroom he snorts as he passes us, "Jesus so its true. Why do all my friends have to be fags?"

I turn to look at him in exasperation, "what do you want Cartman?" I ask.

"Nothing. Just there's talk with the guys that you two have been in here for hours. It's the middle of second period you know, and we _are _on block schedule."

Kyle stops pacing and we both stare at Cartman, "I didn't hear a bell." Kyle tells him and I nod in agreement.

"Must've been too absorbed in your... what are you guys doing? I assumed you two were just being gay with each other but Kyle's gay for Stan. I'll give you that much credit Jew. If you're going to be gay it's better to be a fag with Stan, at least his family has money."

I didn't even flinch as Kyle walked over and punched Cartman in the face, nor did I flinch as I watched him yelp and fall against the bathroom wall and onto the floor. Kyle stood over him and I thought he was going to attempt to do what Stan hadn't gotten the chance to do before.

Instead, Kyle stared at him for awhile before talking, "this is all your fault Cartman, all of it." With that said Kyle walked out after giving me a distant wave. I raised my hand slightly and Cartman and I watched as he left, both of us a little confused. Kyle hadn't bellowed out any names to Cartman as he usually did to relieve his anger and we both exchanged looks. Our faces were mirrored, I know the same concerned look that rarely graced his face was on my own. This wasn't like Kyle.

"Why cant you just leave him alone for one day Eric?" I ask him as I pass by, heading out the bathroom door to see if I can catch up with Kyle. But not before kicking him for good measures. I hardly call Cartman by his first name but when I do he knows I'm being serious.

When I emerged, the halls were empty as class was in session and Kyle was nowhere in sight. I sighed to myself. He had probably already headed for his second period, and from glancing at one of the schools clocks it looked like second period was going to be over soon. I wondered to myself if I should even bother heading to class, and I opted out. Instead I made my ways outside toward the bleachers. I could get my smoke in now even though I didn't crave it as much as I had earlier. Its just something to do to pass the time.

For a school as big and strict as this one you'd think it was hard to skip out of class and that it'd be near impossible to walk on the schools field without someone seeing you, but I've noticed that certain teachers look the other way when they see the seniors ditching. No one wants to deal with us if they can help it. They pretty much just want us to graduate and get the hell out of here after having to teach us for four years.

Getting to the bleachers I take out my lighter and realize I don't have any cigarettes, before I can kick something in aggravation one of the schools druggies holds out something to me. I look at the black haired guy and see that he's one of the seniors that are permanently on narcotics. I don't even know the guys name.

"No thanks," I tell him as I look at the white pills in his hands.

He chuckles as he drops them back in his pocket. "That's right, Kenny McCormick, occasional chain smoker, small time alcoholic and sex fiend doesn't do any hardcore drugs."

I shrug at him in response and he hands me a cigarette from a different pocket, I take this and sniff it to be sure. He chuckles again, "it's a normal cig, I promise." He tells me

Right, like I'd take some random guys word. I light up and inhale a few smokes. It's the real stuff. I nod a thanks and turn away, but he walks back into my line of view and I watch as he watches me for awhile. Every time I turn away he walks back into my range and finally I just take a few hurried puffs and smash it against the cold metal of the bleachers and turn to go, "thanks again for the cig." I tell him as I start to walk away.

"Hey I don't suppose you'd be up for a quick fuck?"

Slightly appalled I turn to face him slowly, "what did you say?" There was no way I heard that clear, but he repeats himself with a smile and I look at him in disgust. "Fuck off," I tell him.

"I was hoping you'd join me?"

I continue to ignore him, he's filled with the white pills he offered me earlier and therefore he probably doesn't know what he's doing. Not to mention years of bull shit from Cartman has built me up to a resistance of idiocy. Still, I'm pretty pissed, even more so since every stoner at these bleachers, and there are quiet a few, hear what he's saying to me. These aren't the types of people to pretend they don't hear what's going on. They just turn their drug filled heads to the disturbance and stare.

"Don't get it Kenny, you'll screw everything, even your old man but you wont screw me?"

I stop walking again to look at him. I can see some of the potheads seem to be trying to wane off the drug effects as they watch to see what I'll do. And the thing is I don't know what I want to do. I know what I should do, as my eyes had widened at what he said but they suddenly return to their normal size. And suddenly I'm tired and I don't care what he said and I just head back into the school.

By the time lunch swings around I see Kyle talking to Wendy. They're talking in hushed tones and both their faces are serious. I see Wendy nod and smile at Kyle before turning away to walk off, her facing changing from a smile to something that resembles pure anger.

I approach his side, he turns to look at me. "What was that about?" I ask him pointing my head in the direction that Wendy had left. My voice is dull and so is his.

Kyle's eyes follow the direction of my head, "nothing really. I just told Wendy the truth. I told her, yeah I like Stan but that he's straight and that Cartman was wrong. She believes me. Now she can get back together with Stan." He looked back at me.

"You don't like Wendy," I inform him.

"It isn't about that."

I shift my stance, "Kyle, Stan doesn't want to get back together with her."

"How do you know that?"

"What do you think? He told me."

"When did he say that?"

"When... he was at my house on Friday." I didn't tell him he was drunk. I'm not sure how that would fly with him.

Kyle frowns but he doesn't say much, "oh. Well I'm going home."

"What, Why?"

"I just want to go. You can still come over for the tutoring session."

"Kyle if you don't feel up to it, you don't have-"

He cuts me off, "no, its fine. I'll be fine by then, and I want to help you. See you this afternoon." He starts to walk off backwards in one direction, pointing to something behind me as he walks. "You'll want to hear that," he says before turning back around, disappearing around the hallway corner. I hadn't even looked behind me before I started hearing a high pitched yell. I see Wendy yelling at Cartman about something. Even though she's yelling, there's so much anger behind her voice that I can only understand a few of the words she's saying. I hear liar, asshole and then I hear and see the slap she gives him before stomping off.

Looks like whatever Cartman and Wendy had, or were going to have is over. Cartman looks a little stunned and people begin to stare but he soon breaks himself out of it and is about to go after Wendy when he sees me. I start to wonder why I'm always at the "right" place at the "right" time as he walks over to me. He's angry and even though he cant fight worth shit, he still looks menacing since he's so big.

"Where is he!" He yells in my face and I know he means Kyle. "Where is he!" He repeats before I can even answer, "I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill that fucking Jew!"

I'm used to Cartman's outbursts and despite what has been happening today I feel rather and oddly calm. "Why?" I ask him, even though I know, after all I was there to witness it.

"That ass fucker ruined things between Wendy and me!"

"Cartman," I sigh and talk quietly trying to lower his voice. "You and Wendy never had anything, you were an instant rebound she had when she thought Stan didn't like her anymore. Whatever you thought you had was something in your head, and your head alone."

For only the second time in his life, Cartman looks a little crushed and I almost want to comfort him and before I can stop myself I pat him gently on the shoulder, but he just shrugs me off and walks away. Even though it was his own damn fault I almost feel a little bad for Cartman. Almost.

When I continue down the hall toward the cafeteria, my calm manner vanishing as quickly as it came, Stan soon walks up to me, confusion written all over his face.

"Wendy just said she wants to get back together. She said she found out that what Cartman said wasn't true, and that she's sorry for not believing me when I said otherwise."

"Getting back together then?"

Stan gives me a look of horror, "of course not. You made me realize she isn't who I want. Besides, did I not tell you that I was content with it just being you and me now?"

Now confusion is on my face, "but you were drunk when you said that."

"Just because I was drunk doesn't mean I didn't mean it."

"But, now you know Kyle doesn't have a thing for you." It's a lie but he doesn't know that.

He rubs the back of his forearm and his wrist, "yeah, but I'm not so sure of that actually. Hey, you sound like you don't want me around, as if you're trying to shove me back with Kyle." He looks put off by this, somewhat pained and I wave the idea dismissively with my hand.

"That isn't it..." My dull voice has returned and it seems Stan feels it, maybe my face says it all but he kinda nods and looks around.

"Want to talk in an empty classroom or something?"

I shake my head. No, I don't want to talk in a classroom, I don't want to talk in this school. Too much bad shit starts in this school.

"Maybe after school?" He suggests and I nod slowly but then stop mid when I remember I'm meeting Kyle directly after school ends.

"Not after. Later on tonight?" I ask him.

"Yeah, that should be fine and if you come over around six my mom should have some dinner cooked up by then if you want some?"

I nod and he nods and we walk to the lunchroom together. He looks over at our usual table and sees Kyle isn't there. I can see his eyebrows raise in question. I expect he'll ask me where he is but he doesn't. Cartman isn't in the cafeteria either and we end up sitting with some of Stan's team mates from football. Guys I don't normally talk too, and who don't usually talk to me. I end up not saying a word, even though a few times Stan tries to involve me in the conversation. I'm just not all that interested in sports as of now, which is what they're talking about. I mean I have my moments, but lately I'm not having them.

I feel like a huge weight has been released from my chest when I hear the final bell. Unfortunately its only Monday so I'll have to do it all over again tomorrow, yet if tomorrow is as dramatic as today was I think I'll stay home. Since Stan and I don't have the same last period we've agreed to meet at his car after school and as I'm strolling through the parking lot someone honks behind me and I turn and see _her_ in her car, smiling at me.

Looking around, seeing that Stan isn't in sight I approach the car but don't make a move to get in.

"I told you, I don't need you dropping me off or picking me up from school. This morning was the last time."

"Aw, what are you ashamed of me Kenny?" She croons irritatingly.

"Very," I respond and look around again. I can see Stan walking out of school with a few of his football buddies. He catches my eye and waves with a smile. I smile back awkwardly and wave back, attempting to hide her from his view, hoping its working.

"Real cute Kenny," she speaks up again, but the smile and crooning are gone from her face. She's annoyed, and I turn back to her. "Who is that, your little boyfriend?"

"No, not that I have to explain shit to you. Just get out of here before anyone sees me talking to you alright?" I'm getting angry and in turn so is she.

"Fine. Coming over today or not?" She asks as she adjusts her driving stick.

"Not."

She humphs and drives off just as Stan reaches my side. "Hey, who was that?"

"No one important," I mutter as I start walking toward his car. He stays at my pace and says nothing else about it. But he has that face on. The one that says he wants to know more, and its intensified as he watches her drive further from the high schools property.

The drive home is in complete silence, well silence on my part. Stan keeps looking over occasionally as he's driving, trying to engage me but I keep my eyes focused on the passing snowy landscape. The day is clear and doesn't at all fit my mood. When he pulls up at the side of my house I grab my stuff from the back seat and reach over to hop out when he hits the automatic locks, locking me inside. I turn to face him in question.

He doesn't say anything for a moment and I have no intention on initiating conversation so we end up sitting in his car, with the heat still on and the music turned off. He finally turns to me after he's gathered his thoughts.

"Kenny..." He stops then starts again, "Kenny when I said I needed you that time, that I needed normalcy I was being honest. Maybe a little over emotional, but honest. What I never said was that I didn't want this to be one sided. Today gave it away, you need me too. Maybe not me, but someone and I want it to be me. We're friends after all and don't think I didn't notice you didn't show up for second period. I wasn't going to say anything but now I think something happened that period and probably the periods after, just before lunch."

He stops, but I don't say anything, though I do give him a slight nod so he knows I was listening. I watch him unlock the car doors and I step out. He drives off, and I go inside my house. Kevin is sitting inside and is as usual watching television. I sigh at this display and head to my room, stopping when I reach the closed door of my parents room.

Only two people know what went on in that bedroom when I was thirteen. Myself and my father. It only happened a few times and I'll never forget what he did to me and I know I should have told someone, but he stopped and at the time I was so fragile. Which is hard to admit. Rather then rat on my dad, who doesn't even remember because he was always so drunk, I started to run.

Every night I'd go out and just run for miles whether it was cold or not, trying not to think about what he had done to me. _'You'll screw your old man but you won't screw me?'_

He cant _really_ know. I know he doesn't know, he was just saying that to be a dick.. But it pained and shocked me to hear those words slip from a complete strangers lips. When I ran I forgot and eventually I grew up. I put on some muscle mass and I hit that growth spurt. And even though I never should have felt safe in my house again I did enough, because I knew I could do something if he ever tried again. But he didn't, and I haven't let it bother me since. Someday I'll tell someone, I'll need to I guess, but not right now. Right now I continue to my room.

My bed, as dirt infested as it is, looks inviting given my emotional burnt out. As much as I want to take its invitation I ignore it, and go through my books deciding which ones I ought to bring to Kyle's. I don't want to walk, but it isn't as if I have a choice in the matter.

With those energizing thoughts in my brain I strap my book bag across my chest and head back out, not even bothering to tell my brother where I'm off too. He doesn't care.

Our house is probably only a degree warmer inside than the outdoors. But that one degree made all the difference the few minutes I was inside. Either that or it got a little bit colder and I find it useless to tighten my coat around my body. I'm just going to have to deal with the temperature like always. I try and walk to Kyle's at a fast pace to keep my body temperature up and by the time I reach his house I'm out of breath, out of breath but warm.

Walking up his driveway I see his parents aren't home, and when I knock on the front door Ike answers. I'm rubbing my hands together and jumping in place, "Kyle in?" I ask.

"He's upstairs," he gives me a look I cant read before moving aside to let me in.

Why the fuck am I always being stared at?

I say nothing more to Kyle's Canadian brother and make my way up the stairs to his room. I knock first before entering, "Kyle?" I call out as I walk in. In his room the shades are drawn and the only light is coming from his desk lamp where I see his head resting on his arm. About to flick on his main light, wondering why he's working under such poor lighting conditions when he doesn't have to, I hear the faint sound of deep breathing.

"Kyle?" I say his name again but softer as I walk up to him, dropping my bag and jacket on his floor. I find him in a deep sleep, all his own text books laying open on the large desk. There's an empty seat to his left he set up for me and I take it. I don't want to wake him and as I glance over at his books; Advanced Calculus, AP Russian, AP Literature, etc. I see a smaller book under his arm where his elbow is resting. Its not a school book. I twist my head around to get a better look, and read the first few lines on the page closest to me.

_'Stan found out. He's spending a lot of time with Kenny because of it. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be jealous of any of my friends for anything. Especially Stans attention, but I am. I just want my best friend back. Even so, when I think about it, Kenny hasn't ever had the type of relationship with anyone that Stan and I have. _Had._ Maybe something good will come from it for him, if not me.'_

I stop reading when I come to the conclusion that its his journal. I look up at his sleeping face and reach up to touch a red curl. My eyes fall on picture I hadn't noticed before. Its on his bedside, a picture he must see every morning. It was taken just last year. It wasn't taken on any special occasion, it was just an ordinary day and Butters was walking around school with the new camera he had just gotten for his birthday. He had asked if the three of us, Stan, Kyle and myself could be his first focus.

I smile remembering Stan had made a joke about it. Something to do with Butters jacking off to all the pictures. We had laughed, he had blushed not at all denying it, but we agreed as long as we each got a copy of one or two. He nodded nervously. We had fun with it. In most of them we were joking around, pretending to pick each others noses, crap like that. At the time Butters was obviously getting frustrated, he wanted one good picture of the three of us. So for the very last one we just smiled, arms on each others shoulders. Stan was on the right, I was in the middle and Kyle was on the left. Our smiles were wide.

When the pictures developed we laughed hard and pointed at all our ridiculous antics. Though, our laughter halted when we came across the last picture Butters had taken. The only one where we stopped kidding around. We stared at in silence and so did Butters and a few others that had been around us flipping through the photos along our sides. Stan had a lopsided smile that suggested he was a playboy when he really wasn't. Kyle's smile was somewhat eccentric, his green eyes glistened with the intelligence that was behind them and my smile... I cant remember the last time I had smiled like that. Probably when that picture was last take. My eyes were just as bright as my two friends and my smile was wide filled with a sort of... promise, a hope.

That one picture had turned out incredible and Butters insisted on keeping it but we had been firm. This one would be ours. We wanted three copies, one for each. This same picture was on Kyle's side table, and thinking about it... It was on Stan's dresser and it was on my desk somewhere, hidden beneath the piles of clutter. What made this picture even more special was that I was in the middle, something both my friends insisted on in the middle of our laughter.

I turned away from the picture, Kyle was still fast asleep. Gathering my things I headed back downstairs running into Ike as he was going upstairs.

"You cant be done studying yet," he said as I passed him.

"No, Kyle's asleep."

"So? Just wake him up."

"No, its alright, just tell him I came by and that I'll see him tomorrow okay Ike?"

Ike shrugged, "sure."

Heading back into the cold weather didn't faze me, because the same thing kept playing in my mind, taking all my attention. My own voice talking to me, asking _'what the fuck are you getting at?'_.

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**AN:** I had no intention on ending the chapter here, but it felt right enough. The next chapter is already in the works since the story is nearly over. Please read and review! 

_Faery Goddyss_


	8. Broken English

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

_'What the fuck are you getting at?'._

I sigh, and continue walking down one of South Parks few neighborhood streets. What am I doing? What the hell do I think I'm doing? How selfish can I be. I'm consciously, creating a wedge between Kyle and Stan, and for what? Because I'm lonely? Needy? Pathetic is what I am. Oh, I've being trying to shrug it off because Stan says he needs this, and that I'm being there for him, but why am I excluding Kyle?

Those last few lines from Kyle's journal... '_Even so, when I think about it, Kenny hasn't ever had the type of relationship with anyone that Stan and I have. _Had._ Maybe something good will come from it for him, if not me.'_

Even through this ordeal, with being found out, he's thinking of me. I don't know what time it is, but I know its no where near time for me to head to Stan's. Which... is good. I need to think this through. I need to get my thoughts together. The old urge to run is starting to surge through me, but its too cold and I'm too miserable. I don't want to run from this. I want, and need to fix it.

That picture on Kyle's side table has reminded me that I need both my friends. Kyle knows things about me Stan doesn't and vice versa. Can I be comfortable with telling Stan everything Kyle knows? I don't know.

Before I can register what I'm doing I sprint home, using the power I once used to run from the problems my dad caused me, to fuel my cold and withered body home. I rush in, and head past Kevin, who is still in the same place I left him last. Swinging my parents bedroom door open I interrupt what must be a make up session. I could care less that I caught them in the act. I barely register their entangled bodies and my mothers shriek and my dads yell as they question me.

Fuck them.

I jerk open my fathers bottom drawer, the one with the gay porn and the alcohol. I toss the few clothes out and the porn. I feel my dad drop a hard stiff hand on my shoulder, he's about to pull me back and I don't even hear his pissed off antics, but I do hear him ask me what the fuck I think I'm doing.

I don't know what emotion was on my face but he instantly released me when our eyes locked.

"I'm taking these," I mutter, my arms filled with the stash that has since been replenished since Stan and I had taken some last. Fumbling with the drinks and closing the drawer, I meet both my parents eyes. My mom gathered the sense to pull a sheet to cover herself but my father is still fully exposed and erected.

They don't know what's come over me and I don't even really know, but I have a few ideas.

I make my way to leave but my mother's voice stops me, "Kenny, what's wrong? What're you doin'?"

I don't even know my eyes are releasing tears until she gasps. She sits up further, tightening the blanket around her. My dad is uncomfortable and he's finally retreated to her side, hiding himself beneath the covers, not really looking at me.

"I'm going," I say softly. "And I'm taking these," I hold up the liquor in case they don't know what I was talking of. "And um..." I look down at the porn magazines. They were thrown haphazardly and a few are lying open, I wipe my tears away.

My mom looks curious and follows my eyes down to what I'm looking at, and she sees the porn. She looks at my dad, her jaw dropping. My dad is fidgeting but he says nothing.

"I thought you were a goddamn homophob, and here I find you're gettin' off on queers fucking each other in the ass!" She suddenly screams, and I wonder why she screamed. Can she really not know of dad's gay porn stash? Its not well hidden. I don't know what my dad looks like or what kind of anger is on my moms face. I'm looking down at one of the open pages from the magazines. I'm entranced by it, and then I throw up.

I don't look, but I know my mom has turned back to face me. "Kenny!" Her voice has hints of confusion but mostly worry in it. I wipe my mouth on the sleeve of my jacket, still looking at the page which is now covered by what erupted from my stomach. I can still see part of the picture from the magazine.

"Kenny!"

She gets up, reaches over and places a hand on my forehead. I'm not hot. She's about to take the drinks from me but I come back to my senses and back away before she can grab them.

"I said I'm taking these and that I'm going," I repeat.

"You're not goin' anywhere! No son of mine is goin' to be drinkin' underage, and he sure as hell aint leaving this house after he just up chucked! Give me the booze Kenny!"

"No," I say softly, my eye finding themselves on my dads. He was already looking at me but now our eyes are locked again. I said it before I knew I had.

"You learned how to fuck guys from looking at a magazine? And here I thought it was common sense. A dick and a hole. But this position..." My eyes turn back to the vomit covered magazine. "That's one I hadn't even known about. Is this how you learned how to do that to me? I'm sure it works better if you have a willing participant."

I walk out. The screaming has already started, but I hardly care. I'm already in my room. I toss a few clothes in a bag, and then the drinks, hearing them clink together. Hefting the bag on my shoulder I head to my window, and knock out the loosely fit pane with my foot. I'm halfway out the window before I turn back and toss the papers on my desk around, looking.

"Where are you?" I mutter to myself, shoving the papers off my desk, a part of my mind warning me not to tear some of them since its school work. I find what I'm looking for. I give the picture a small smile and whisper to it. "I'll fix everything, I promise."

Stuffing it with more carefulness that I had with anything else, its in my bag and I'm outside, and running away from my house, just because I can.

_I will fix everything._

I will.

When I finally run out of breath. I stop and pant on the sidewalk. Taking in deep breaths and some really quick ones. I had intended on going to Starks Pond, but there's bound to be a crowd. Its that time of day. Instead I sit and rest at the corner edge of the woods that's at the higher altitude of South Park. The place the aliens first came, where they put that probe up Cartman's ass. I laugh remembering, and I'm sure if anyone had been around they would have rushed off. I must have looked crazed. I felt crazed. Completely disoriented, not knowing what the fuck I was doing. Just _doing. _

Leaning against a tree for support, my laughter dies and I continue to catch my breath. The day is still clear, cold, but clear. Sliding off the support of the tree I fall into the soft untouched snow. I shiver a little bit and ignore the sound of glass breaking. I hadn't bothered to take the bag filled with clothes, booze and the picture from my body.

My eyes are facing upwards, examining the blue sky, and soon enough I fall asleep.

When I finally wake up its from coldness. Its dark now and I sit up and look around, forgetting where I am but then remembering it. Remembering it all.

Kyle. Stan. The picture. The confession to my mom, and taking off. I shiver and hug myself as I stand up, adjusting the strap bag on my back. I winch when I stand. There's a pain in my back. Shit, great. The glass from the broken bottles must have cut through the bag and into my skin, and because I was so out of it I hadnt noticed when they first pierced my skin.

_Stupid, fucking flimsily piece of cloth!_

I want to rip the bag off my back, but just as I'm attempting to do so I hurt myself more, dragging the shards against the cloth. Wincing in pain I stop and take a deep breath. Taking things slower, I'm able to peel off the bag and my jacket without _too_ much pain. Lifting my shirt slightly I stop when I feel the angle of the glass shift. Okay, fuck that plan. Its not like I could take them out without a mirror anyway.

Too lazy to put my jacket and bag back on in their rightful spots I hold on to them and wonder what time it is. I really wish I had a watch. The sky is dark, and not twilight dark, _dark_. It must be late... I wonder how long I slept... Never mind, I'm getting colder, especially now since I took off my jacket.

Because of the night, its far harder to see my surroundings. I used go here a lot though, when I was trying to find my drug compatibility without someone finding out about it. In the end I opted out on all drugs and stuck with cigarettes. The point is, even in the dark, if I go slow, I can find my way back to the main road.

It takes awhile, and I end up putting my jacket on begrudgingly, before I reach the road. Its deserted and I can see the town is asleep. Lights are off and the only illumination is the street lamps. I walk slowly, kicking some snow, wondering what my mom did to my dad. I wonder if she tossed him out, or if she called the cops. I doubt both. I'm thinking about this when I realize that time has passed and I've stopped walking. I look up at the house I've unconsciously led myself to. I hesitate, maybe it would be better to keep walking and go somewhere else.

But where else could I go? I don't feel like being discovered just yet. I haven't had time to think properly. Taking my steps few at a time, more than once turning around to head back, I finally reach the front steps and knock on the door.

As I wait for it to open, I hear the distant barking of a dog. I turn to look, as if expecting the dog in question to appear.

"Kenny?"

I turn back to the door, she looks tired and slightly confused but her confusion turns to scorn. She's wearing a silk negligee and she doesn't look happy to see me.

"I was just about to go to bed," she tells me.

"Yeah... what time is it?" I ask her.

She gives me a strange look and glances behind her, probably at the large clock that's on the opposite wall. "12:05 or so."

I nod. Stan's probably a little worried, maybe even Kyle if he attempted to contact me, that is if he woke up. My parents probably aren't. I disappear all the time.

"Kenny, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming over today?"

"I didn't, and I said that yesterday."

She smiles softly and it reminds me why I bothered to get involved with her when I did. She was nice when she wasnt attacking you.

"Cheeky bastard," she says as she gestures me to come inside, while saying so. "Come inside, you look like shit and," she sniffs the air, "you smell like it too. Want a shower?"

I nod, and head inside after her. Giving me a towel she watches as I step in her bathroom, not closing the door behind me as I start to undress.

"Want some company in there?"

"No," I tell her. "But, could you help me out of this shirt? I fucking cut myself and it hurts, but I cant get it off alone."

She steps up behind me and helps, when she gasps quietly I know she must have come across the glass and the cuts.

"Jesus, what did you do to yourself?" She asks me as she scoots me into the bedroom for better light. I lay on her bed, my stomach against the mattress. I don't answer as I feel her sit against my lower back, her legs at my sides. I winch when I feel her pick out the shards. I sigh in relief when I feel her weight off my back and even more when I feel a cool cloth on the cuts I've received.

"What's in the bag? You moving in?" She asks as she bandages the cuts.

I glance over at the discarded bag on her bathroom floor, "just stuff I need. Can I stay here for a few days?"

When I notice she's stopped bandaging my cuts I twist to look at her, she looks at me carefully.

"Just till the end of the week?" I continue.

She doesn't say anything but she nods, and gently pats my back, "done." She says softly.

I get up and head into the shower, like my original intention had been. When I'm clean and changed I walk back into her room. She's tucked herself in her bed and she's laying on her side, looking at me.

"What?" I ask as I crawl into bed next to her, turning my back on her. She gently caresses my back and slides her finger up and down my bare arm. I feel a few of her kisses on my shoulder before she answers.

"After this week, you're not coming back here again are you?"

I don't say anything and rest my head into her soft pillows. I hear her sigh but she doesn't say anything more. I've answered her with my silence. If I'm to fix everything that means she has to go. I don't think she'll care that much, she'll find someone else. It was just sex.

I let her drape her arm around my waist, and before long I know she's fast asleep. She's asleep but I'm wide awake. I already had a ten hour nap, no part of me is tired. But I'm comfortable so I see no point in moving. I can hear the ticking of the clock in her room and I wish the window I was facing didn't have curtains. My eyes fall on my bag, the picture is sticking out and I sigh. I have a right to disappear, every right, but I don't want certain people to worry over my sudden absence.

Slowly and carefully climbing out of bed I walk over to her side table and pick up the cordless phone, going inside the bathroom and shutting the door so I don't wake her. I dial the number I don't know very well since I don't have the means to call anyone and listen to the ringing of the phone. I know Stan has his own personal phone line so I know I wont be waking anyone but him up. On the second ring I hear someone answer the phone.

"Hello? Kenny!"

I hear Stan's frantic voice, and smile, but just slightly. At least he really was worried, and I release the breath I was holding. I don't know what I would have done if I had woken him up, him comfortably asleep not at all perturbed that I didn't show up for dinner.

"Yeah-"

I begin but he cuts me off, "are you alright? where the fuck are you? Why didn't you show up! I was fucking worried! I went to your house and it was all in an uproar. Your mom was bitching and crying and your dad, was sobbing too, what the fuck is going on! Your mom said you just took all this liquor and just bolted and they hadn't seen you since!"

I finally have to interrupt him. "I'm fine. Sorry for not showing up, I'm at... a friends. My dad was sobbing?"

"Kenny, where are you? What happened?" The worry in his voice is gone since he knows I'm alright, but now he wants answers, ones I cant give right now.

"I just called to say I was okay."

"What! No, wait, do you need me to pick you up or something?"

"That's alright, I said I was at a friends."

"Who? Kenny, at least tell me who you're with."

"Maybe another time," I can hear _her_ call out my name from the bedroom. "I should go. I just need a bit of time to think. Don't worry, I'll fix everything. See ya, Stan."

I hang up to him still talking, asking "what do you mean you'll fix everything?" Luckily this number is unlisted so he wont be able to call back. I go back into the bedroom and she's peering at me in the dark.

"Who'd you call?"

"A friend, just to let him know I'm alright."

I slide back into bed next to her, and she places her arm back around my waist, but this time I'm facing her.

"Oh. Your boyfriend? The cute one with the black hair I saw at your school today?"

"He's not my fucking boyfriend."

I can see her smile in the dark as she kisses my neck and rests her head against my chest, "uh huh." She says, closing her eyes.

"He's not." I say quietly, running my fingers through her hair. "He's straight."

"I'm sorry," she says, her voice losing power as she get more tired and even yawns a few times. "How do you know he's straight?"

"... he gets jumpy, kind of nervous around gays, avoids them too."

"Sounds more like he doesn't want to accept his own sexuality, sweetie." She gives me another tired kiss on my clothed chest. "And if he avoids them why does he hang out with you?"

"He doesn't know I swing that way occasionally," I answer, not really paying any more attention to her.

My thoughts fly back to how Stan's been insistent about avoiding Kyle, his nervousness around him, the so called normalcy he needs with me.

"Hmm..."

"What?" She gives a giant yawn and tightens her hold around me.

"Just go to sleep," I say, thoroughly annoyed with her constant yawns.

* * *

**AN:** This chapter was eagerly and fiercely written. I was typing like a madwoman. On a random note this will ber _HER_ last appearence. Hey, she's only a toy and Kenny is growing up. Stan and Kenny romantically? Well, you'll see. The story is almost completed and there are two things that I cant wait for you all to read! 

_Faery Goddyss_


	9. Weight of Time

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

I stayed at her place for six days and then that seventh morning, one week later when Monday returned, I left. She didn't say anything about it and neither did I, but she knows not to ever expect me back. I know she wanted to do something more physical, but I wouldn't allow it. I let her cuddle me like I was her toy, a stuffed bear. Unresponsive no matter how tight she held me. I could be there for her but I couldn't do anything more. She offered me a ride to school but I declined and decided to walk. I wanted to be a little late so I wouldn't have to deal with any questions in the hallways.

The alcoholic drinks I took from my dads dresser drawer have yet to be opened and hit together as I walk to school, tightening my grip on the new school bag she bought me. A nice gesture. My back still stings but the cuts from the glass have more or less healed.

I feel a little better, though, not completely. Just a bit more clear headed like I've had my revelation.

I get to school late, just as I planned, and make my way to my first class through the hallways which hold a few lingering students. I make a brief stop to empty my bag of the vials of liquor, glancing around to make sure I'm not being watched. When I enter the classroom I'm stared at like all tardy students are, but no one gives me an unusual look except Mr. Johnson, who says nothing to me but merely gestures for me to take my seat as he finishes taking the morning role call.

For the first time in a few years I really pay attention to what is being taught. I answer a few questions even though I'm not always right. Regardless, Mr. J looks pleased to see that I'm trying and when the bell rings to release us from that period he praises me on my answers and I smile back with a nod but don't say anything. He has a look in his eye. I think, he might know something happened at my parents last week, but chances are he doesn't know what exactly. Going through the halls I see the teachers give me sympathetic looks, the students look at me as they always do, indifferently. They know nothing.

Heading to second period butterflies start to form in my stomach. This is the class I have with Stan. Stan, who I haven't seen or spoken to in a week. I wonder how he's doing... I'm one of the firsts to enter the classroom and I take my seat quietly. Ms. Robinson gives me a look through her narrow beady eyes. She doesn't look sympathetic, but I'm more comforted by that. I don't know what I would have done if the teacher that hates me most suddenly felt pity for me. It's the first time I feel relieved to have her bitchiness in full effect.

Finally she gives me a grunt of acknowledgment before saying, "I hope you were studying this past week. As you know mid terms are on Friday."

...what? Shit.

I start to bang my head against the cold fake wood. Mid terms? When were they going to mention that? Something told me they already had and I just hadn't been paying attention.

A few minutes pass as the other students in the class file in and eventually Stan walks in.

"Kenny?" My head snaps up at Stans surprised voice. When he sees me his eyes widen and he pushes by a few disgruntled students to get to me. This makes me smile and he takes his seat behind me.

He opens his mouth to say something, but then he closes it and says nothing for awhile, he's thinking before he says anything. When he does finally talk his voice is soft, almost as if he's afraid of scaring me off. "Why did you take off like that? I thought you were going to talk to me about something at my house last week?"

"I know... and I still am." I had to change the subject. "Have you been alright? I mean, are you and Kyle talking?"

The bell stops him before he gets another word in, and one look from Ms. Robinson catches him from saying anything more after the chimes of the bells cease. I give him a reassuring smile and he gives me a soft one back before resting in his chair.

The lesson begins and like last period I pay close attention and realize I know and understand what she's talking about. I guess if I had bothered to pay attention in class I wouldn't be failing, and I come to the conclusion that while a bitch, Ms. Robinson explains things pretty well and I find it funny that her eyes bug out when I ask for clarification on a certain problem, but she complies and explains more thoroughly.

Second period ends and I pack up my things slowly, making sure everyone leaves before me. The only student left in the classroom, even Robinson has left to do whatever, is Stan. He's standing casually by one of the windows, leaning against the banister. He's not even looking at me.

"What happened to your back?" Is the first thing he says or asks me and I'm confused. He seems to sense it but he still isn't looking my way. How does he know about my back? Its obvious I suppose, he does sit directly behind me and I've been really careful to make sure I don't lean on it.

I tell him.. Not all of it, but the part about laying against the bottles. He nods, he believes me and he finally looks over at me and hefts himself upright. The lunch bell sounds and he makes his way to the door.

He doesn't turn all the way around but he does stop to glance halfway at me, "you really are okay right?"

I nod and he nods in response and together we walk to the lunch room. Kyle is sitting at the usual table alone, I can see Cartman is still in the lunch line getting his usual fully loaded lunch tray. Stan sees Kyle but instead of heading over to him he looks around at his other options and starts to head to the football table but there is no way in hell that I'm sitting there again.

Crossing directly in front of him I head toward Kyle and set my tray across from him. He looks up at me, surprised to see me.

"Kenny, dude! Where have you been all week? Ike said you came to the house last Monday but you didn't wake me. You should have woken me."

"You looked exhausted Kyle," I tell him and take notice as Stan approaches and slowly places his tray beside me. Sitting down and trying not to look at a bewildered Kyle, who it seems doesn't know where I had been the past week. Which is best.

"I, uh..." he looks at Stan who's looking at his food as he eats in silence. "I was just taking a nap. It was a... tiring day." He says as if I don't remember but I do. It had been an emotionally tiring day for me as well.

Kyle continues to stare at Stan who in turn keeps his eyes on his food as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. Though he casts up his eyes to look at me once. I can barely read them but there is confusion and slight anger in them. I continue to talk casually to Kyle about a few meaningless subjects. It's a rather long lunch period but when its over Stan sprints up and mutters that we should talk later before heading off.

Kyle remains where he is and gives me a look, "what are you doing?" He asks me.

"Nothing. I cant sit with my other best friend at lunch?" I ask him as I gather my trash and toss it in the nearest garbage bin.

When I get the chance to look back at him he's looking at me thoughtfully. "Stan didn't look happy to be here."

"He's just uncomfortable," I say. "Instead of studying over at your place why don't we study outside? Its supposed to be a pretty good day today. Starks Pond sound okay to you? The back side?"

I don't give him a chance to say anything as I walk away and head to my own third period. Walking out of the cafeteria Stan grabs me and pulls me to the side, out of the way of the outgoing traffic from the lunch room.

He's looking at me pretty flustered before he utters a word, "how low. You know how I feel."

"I know, but don't you even miss Kyle?" The question catches him off guard and he releases my arm not replying. "We can talk after school, at Starks at the back side okay? I have to get to class." With that I walk away preparing to be just as diligent in paying attention in this class as I have for my past two.

School ends and I head to Starks Pond, a different route then the usual way. The wind picks up a bit and I brush my hair behind my ear. Readjusting the bag strap, listening to the rattle as my bottles hit each other. I'm a little nervous. When I get to the back side of Starks Pond I see that neither Stan nor Kyle are here yet.

Taking notice of the passing clouds I step close to the edge of the pond and glance at my reflection. I don't look very good. I'm probably cleaner than I have been in a long time but my face looks tense and looking at my own reflection is only causing butterflies to start swarming in my stomach again. I back away from the pond and turn away to meet with Stan who's walking up toward me.

"Hey," I call out, he replies but the wind swallows his response.

Before I can ask him to repeat himself he's two inches away from me and enveloping me in a tight hug.

"You're an asshole you know that?" He mutters to me as he pulls himself away.

"For what I did today at lunch?" I question, trying to control the cold flush of my face from the biting winds.

"Yeah there's that, but I was referring to this past week. You go off for a week and conveniently something happens at your parents the same night you take off. What happened, and why couldn't you tell me last week when you called me? And what did you mean when you said that you'd fix everything? What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I'll fix it," I murmur when my eyes fall on the figure behind him. Stan sees that my attention has waned and looks behind him. His whole body tenses when Kyle walks toward us slowly. His hands holding tightly to the inside of his jean pockets as he looks at me and Stan and back again.

"Hey dude," I say to him and he whispers it back as his eyes decide to stay on Stan who has already turned away and is looking back at me.

He looks furious and a little agitated as his eyes question me. Kyle continues to stand off to the side and finally after a moment of silence Stan starts to walk past me, attempting to take off without a word to me, but I grab his wrist and stop him before he can get too far from my grasp.

"I want you to stay, Stan. You _will _stay wont you?"

He turns around to look at me, then he glances at my hand which is still firmly wrapped around his wrist. When he nods I nod back and release him and walk back over to where Kyle is still standing, staring.

"We're not here to study are we?" He asks me and I smile a 'no'.

"Study?" Stan asks, looking at me.

I nod, "Kyle is helping me out with school since I'm failing all my classes." There's one more thing he now knows about me.

"What! Why didn't you tell me that? I could have helped you."

"I'm perfectly capable of helping him myself," Kyle interjects, almost a little annoyed.

"Of course you are, but I'm closer to him."

"Closer to him!" Kyle exclaims incredulously. "You've only just got closer to him these past few weeks. And only because you've been so hell bent on avoiding me and cutting me off! Jesus fucking Christ Stan, don't you think that hurts me? At all? For you to avoid me then spend all this countless time with Kenny as if he's my replacement?"

That_ is_ what I am, I am a replacement. In the midst of their first confrontation in weeks I sit against a tree that was standing beside us. Neither seem to notice as they continue.

"I don't mean to hurt you Kyle. I'm just, you're just..."

Kyle looks crestfallen and when I pop open a beer they both look down at me. I take a long sip and toss one at Stan who catches it and slumps down against the tree beside me. I hold another one up to Kyle but he shakes his head and slides down on the other side of me against the trunk.

"I told Kyle, accidently, why you're avoiding him, so he does know." I suddenly say to Stan even though I'm facing the direction of the pond. I can feel Stan look at me, appalled.

There is more silence as they both look at me expectantly. Which makes sense, as I'm the one that brought them both here for reasons I hadn't informed them of. Unfortunately, I'm doing all this on impulse.

"We're playing a game."

"A game?" They both repeat and ask in unison as they look at me, trying to avoid the others eye.

A game? That was random of me. But I cant fathom the idea of how to start off what I want to get completed, this is the first thing that came to mind and it should open the can of worm further.

"The rules are simple. We go around in a circle and make a statement. If the statement is true, take a drink, if its not, don't."

"So we're just going to get pointlessly drunk?" Kyle asks.

I study Kyle for a moment before turning back to the frozen pond. "No. We'll each learn things thanks to the help of intoxication. Things we wouldn't otherwise be able to tell each other. We'll start with simple statements to get comfortable."

Kyle nods... slowly. "Games have winners and losers. How do we know whose won?"

"When you get too uncomfortable to make a statement for fear of someone drinking to it, you lose."

Pushing a few bottles in each of their general directions I take a moment to think, before going first. We start with really simple harmless statements. Statements we all already know the answers to. When I feel a very slight hint of tipsiness I feel I can stop stating such ridiculous things. "I've tried lots drugs." I open another beer and take a sip and watch as Stan takes one as well.

There's no comment and I look to Stan to go next. He takes a few moments before saying anything, "I've stolen." All three of us take a sip and I watch as Kyle cringes at the taste of a bottle of something clear, he goes next.

"I think Wendy's only going out with Cartman because she'll take anyone rather than being alone." Both Kyle and Stan take a sip and when I don't, they look at me with raised eyebrows.

"Wendy is dating Cartman?" I ask only mildly surprised.

Stan nods, "happened when you were gone last week.."

"Oh," I say and they nod, and I think that now that the basics have been broken, that its time to get to why I really wanted to play this game. Of why I thought of it in the first place.

I hesitate, wondering if I really want to make this statement..."I find at least one of my male friends attractive." I take a slow drink.

They both gawk at me and exchange looks. I can see their eyes burning with the question.

"_Is it me, or is it him?"_

Stan looks nervous, Kyle looks uncomfortable. Kyle takes a drink... hesitantly, and finally after staring at him for awhile Stan takes one as well, which surprises both Kyle and I. I can tell Kyle wants to ask who, I know I do. Stan had looked at me curiously when I took my drink. This is the first time I think he's realized that I'm not as straight as he originally thought.

Stan goes next and with this one he looks directly at me, "my father has done inappropriate things to me."

I can only assume that's for making him do this game, I'm the only one to take a drink and Kyle's eyes widen as he looks at me.

"Kenny-", I stop him before he can ask anything.

"Later," I tell him, "its your turn."

Kyle bites his lip since he knows we've entered real serious territory here. "I want to know which friend it is that Stan's attracted to." Both Kyle and I take a sip as we look at Stan. He looks at us before looking up at the blue sky. He slides off the side of the tree trunk and onto the snow, dropping the beer in his hand.

I watch as it spills and is instantly absorbed in the snow.

" I don't want to play this anymore," he says warily.

* * *

**AN: **I liked this chapter. Thanks to my dear, dear HDM for the new summary. I thought about it for days and I finally had to use it -grumbles and hands her a batch of chocolate cookies- 

Thanks for all the past reviews everyone! Please do it again!

_Faery Goddyss :)_


	10. 1000 Good Intentions

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

Kyle looks at me and I look at Kyle. The drinks fall from both our hands as well as we too, slide off the support of the tree and slump in the snow.

"What does your dad do to you Kenny?" Kyle breaks the silence that had been looming between the three of us. It's the ugliest question I've ever been asked, but that's only the first part of his question. "Is it what I'm thinking?"

"How would I know what you're thinking?"

He sighs, its such a quiet sigh. One that says he doesn't want to go on. He doesn't want to go this route. But Kyle, is Kyle, he's a good- great friend, so he does.

"Does he... hit you around?"

Oh. He wants to ease his way into what he really knows. I know, he knows hitting is only the half of it. I try to nod, but my heads against the ground. He turns his head to the side to look at me, but I keep my eyes on the sky above me. I want to tell him, but I don't want to say yes, that yes my father hits me because then it makes it real. Really real.

When his eyes return skyward I know he got his answer, I'm happy I don't have to say anything.

"He does more than hit you though, doesn't he?"

Silence.

"He does worse things to you, doesn't he?"

More silence.

"He touches you... but, has he... has he made you-"

My hand, which was laying at my side searches for Kyle's. He's distraught, more than shocked and a tear, a very small one falls from the corner of his eye. I squeeze his hand and he squeezes mine back before he interlaces them.

Can guys who are just friends do this? Does their sexuality come under interrogation and evaluation if they interlock their hands? Even if there's just cause?

Kyle isn't able to finish his question, but that's okay. I don't want him too. I don't want to hear him ask if my father has ra-...

I don't want to hear myself think it, and the way I'm squeezing his hand, taking the life out of it, he already knows. I can feel that he wants to ask more, but he cant and he wont.

_How could I let my father do that to me?_

He doesn't anymore.

_Why haven't you told anyone?_

I don't know. I don't know.

"Kenny..." Stan talks. "Stay at my house okay? From now on, stay there."

"Okay," my voice sounds so small. I don't remember ever feeling this small. But being squished between my two best friends, feeling their warmth and their care I feel like a kid again.

A shadow falls over our sun rays and a voice clears its throat.

"Hi Stan, Kyle, Kenny."

"Ugh, hey fags."

A mutter from a girls voice, "Cartman!"

The three of us sit up, and face Wendy and Cartman, who are hand in hand, but just cupped and not interlaced.

"This," Cartman holds up his and Wendy's locked hands. "Is what guys are supposed to cling too." He glares at Kyle and I, our hands are still interlocked with one another, but we release them. The moments lost.

"Lets go Wendy, don't want to get the fag bug that going around."

"Cartman!" She protests his name calling. She turns back to the three of us, with an almost apologetic look. Something I don't understand. "Bye Kyle, Kenny..." Her eyes wander over to Stans, and I follow them. Stan isn't looking at her, his eyes are on where Kyle and my hands were, when they were together.

I'm not sure, but I think I hear a faint, very faint light sigh of yearning from her. "Bye Stan," she says before she's pulled off by Cartman, who's still grumbling.

"I should go too."

My head snaps over at Stan. I know desperation is all over my face because his twists into some pain I cant read.

"Go pack Kenny, then come over. I need to talk with my mom..."

"Alright..."

"I can help you pack," Kyle offers and I look over at him to give him an appreciative smile, my head whips back over in Stans direction when I hear the crunch of snow as he walks away.

This isn't how things were supposed to go. He looks more dejected than when he first came here. Maybe its that he doesn't want me at his house, but that he feels obligated to invite me.

"Stan!"

I mute my thoughts to look at Kyle who has stood up, his hands firmly tight at his sides. His faces looks... I don't know. I cant read his either. I look over to see if Stan has stopped, he has, but he's still facing away from the both of us.

"Those rumors... the one Cartman told Wendy about, the reason she broke up with you... They're... they're not true."

I look at Kyle like he's nuts. He's lying, and he isnt doing a good job of it, but Stan cant see that, he can only hear the power in his voice.

"I don't feel anything more for you... than friendship."

He looks like he's about to cry.

"I know." Stan's voice comes out firm.

How can he know, if it isnt true?

"I realized only recently," with that he continues to walk away. I let him, and turn back to Kyle. I stand and shake my head at him.

"Why did you say that to him?" I ask when I think Stans far enough away that he wont here us talking.

"Because, I want my best friend back."

"But Kyle-" I'm interrupted with a sniffle from him. I watch him swallow emotions. He refuses to cry, whether or not its because he doesn't want me to see, I cant figure out.

"So uh," he composes himself. "You're attracted to at least _one _of your male friends?"

We laugh. Stan wouldn't understand, but Kyle does, and he knows that's an empty statement for me. I'm pretty much attracted to all my male friends with a few obvious exceptions.

"Hey, I had to get you to open up some how."

"Yeah... so I guess Stan isn't as straight as we both thought."

"Guess not...

More silence and finally, "I don't mind Kenny."

"Don't mind what?"

"Don't mind if you turn into more."

I think I know what he means, but I want to be sure.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Because... because Stan is attracted to one of his male friends, and... well, its not me."

"So you think its me?"

Kyle looks at me hard, "who else could it be? Cartman?"

"Obviously not, but, Clyde or-"

He shakes his head firmly, "don't be an idiot. Of course its you... so its okay with me, if you two end up being more."

I say nothing, but we stare at each other for awhile. Stan never said it was me. Kyle, no matter what he said, could be wrong, but if he's right...

I drop an arm around Kyle's shoulders and pull in for a slight hug. He's a good guy, Kyle is.

* * *

**AN: **I wanted to add so much more but I'm in a bit of a hurry. I wanted to get a new chapter up before I left for university, where I'll be without computer for two weeks or so because I ordered my new notebook too late. Ugh. Anyway, please read and review! 

_Faery Goddyss :) _


	11. Last Chance Blueprint

**AN: **This was going to be more happy ending-ish, but the more I write the more that might not happen. Happy endings are great, but things don't always turn out that way and I want this story to be a slice of life. Here's a bit of the pendulum coming into play.

* * *

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

Kyle and I walk back to my house in comfortable conversation. We don't talk about what went down at the pond and we don't talk about where we're headed or why we're headed there. Its nice to be with Kyle, just the two of us. I've been getting so close with Stan, I'd almost forgotten why I chose _both_ of them as friends in the beginning.

Even so, I cant shake the thought that I've made things worse, far worse than they were before. I think I've created a bigger wedge between Stan and Kyle. I can already see Kyle would give up his own happiness just to have the slightest relationship with Stan, but Stan... I don't think he's the same. He wants his happiness and I cant think badly of him for wanting it. I just wonder what would make him happy.

Something happened there at Starks Pond between the three of us, and I cant forget the feeling of uneasiness that passed through me when we all took a drink due to that last statement. Not to mention what Kyle said to me when Stan was gone. That he's attracted to me.

"Kenny?"

I'm snapped out of my thoughts and brought back to reality. I look at Kyle, "yeah?"

"Are you attracted to Stan? I mean, you probably are but I meant-"

I cut him off, "I know what you mean."

"And?"

"And, I hadn't really thought about it."

"It isnt something you ought to have to think about."

"Look, Kyle I know you're head over heels, but it doesn't work that way for me. I'm not sure okay? I mean there were times when he... well, there were times when maybe I thought I kinda felt something but, it could have just been my natural sex drive at work you know?"

He nods, and thinks a moment before saying anything, "it wasn't intentional, Kenny."

"What wasn't?"

"Kinda leaving you out. Being so heavily involved with each other that you were excluded some of the time."

_Yeah I know..._

I sigh, "don't worry about it Kyle."

We're finally at my house and I stop to look at it. Broken parts from god knows what are on the browned dead lawn, windows are smashed, tiles are hanging from the exterior walls and the roof. This is home. From the outside it seems like there isnt much activity going on in the inside, but I can hear voices being wafted out from the opened window.

Kyle gives me a small smile and we head to the front door. I don't normally knock the door on my own house, but I no longer feel like its my house. I knock softly and the slight talking that was going on indoors is cut off as someone turns the knob and opens the door.

My mom stands there looking rather solemn but her eyes light slightly when she sees me.

"Kenny! Come in, where've you been? I've been worried."

She ushers me inside and nearly closes the door when I stop her and point out that Kyle is with me. She gives Kyle a strange look but lets him in and he steps in slowly and looks around as I do. The house looks pretty much the same except that Mr. and Mrs. Marsh are sitting on our broken couch, rather uncomfortably I might add.

I look at the Marsh's who give me kind smiles, I return the look. We've done this before. My focus returns to my mother.

"Where's da-"

"Gone," she stops me. "I kicked him out."

I couldn't help it, I didn't want to crush my mother but, its ridiculous. I release a loud snort of disbelief. She glares at me while everyone else looks at me in wonder.

"I'm tired of that tired old lie Mom. You didn't kick him out, at least not for good, he'll be back."

And why? Because, and I love you mom, but you're weak.

_Are you different? You kept a horrible secret, you were too weak to say anything to anyone._

I watch my mother bite her lip and advert her eye's to the Marsh's. A flag goes off in my head.

"What's going on? Why are the Marsh's here anyway?" I ask.

"Kenny... Randy and Sharon came over because apparently you told your friend Stan some things and they came over to discuss it with me. Kenny, I, your father, he's a good man. He really is."

A moan escapes my lips. "Mom..." my voice is soft.

"He is Kenny! He just... he's just confused about some things, and even though we fight, we still love each other and I have to be a good wife. He didn't used to be like this."

"Mom!"

"Kenny McCormick do not interrupt me, when I'm talking!"

I shut my mouth.

"Like I was sayin', I have to be a good wife and stand by husband, but... before I'm a wife I'm a mom, and Kenny you have to believe me when I said I had no idea what he was doin' to you."

I nod numbly.

"So, while your father is gettin' better, and while your father and I work things out, you're gonna be staying with the Marsh's. Is that okay with you?"

"What about Kevin?" I ask.

"He's goin' to a friends too."

"And you," I almost choke on my words, "you're going to stay with him?"

"He cant get better by himself. When he's better we can all be together again right?"

I say nothing and make no gesture. I don't want to be together again, not as long as he's part of that group.

"Now then, you go pack your stuff and then the Marsh's and your friend Kyle there can help you move into their spare bedroom."

Still not saying anything I start to head to my bedroom, well aware that Kyle isnt behind me. I'm stopped at my bedrooms entrance by my mom who had followed me. I turn to look at her.

"Don't stay with him." That's all I can manage to get out.

"I gotta, Ken, I love him, you understand that, don't you?"

I don't think I do.

I'm taller than my mom so it must be awkward for her to reach up and hug me. The hug is so tight. Out of the corner of my eye I see Kyle peeking around the hallway.

"This is the best I can do for you Kenny," she whispers to me in our hug. I nod against her shoulder, and let her go. She gives me a wide forced smile and sighs, "you've gotten so big. I wonder when you grew up."

With that she turns away and the talking between her and the Marsh's resume. I look at Kyle who has been studying me, I know he feels he's interrupted on a family affair and he cant think of what to say, so I say something first.

"Well, help me pack then?"

The packing is unnecessarily slow, especially since I haven't got many things. Since we aren't talking I put in some music and we pack to a constant repeat of Aqueous Transmission. When we finally finish, we head back out to the tension filled living room. I pack all my bags in the Marsh's car but refuse their offer to drive to the house. I think I'd rather walk and Kyle agrees.

For some reason, I don't give my mother another goodbye. There isnt anything left to say and we don't normally hug, so It'd be too weird to do it twice in one day.

On the way to Stans, the same tension is between Kyle and I. Its like we haven't got anything to say to each other that wouldn't somehow depress the other. Kyle seems to feel the same way as well. But I'm tired of silence, and seriousness and life in general. I want to be carefree for awhile and just as we turn the corner to where Stan's house is I heft up some of the fresh snow, pack it hard and chuck it in Kyle's direction.

It hits him right in the back and he turns to face me, slightly appalled that I would do something so random and childish, but that look quickly fades and turns into a real live grin. Which is a facial emotion I haven't see him display in weeks.

He laughs, and picks up some of the snow near him, a much larger amount and looks at me as he throws the snowball in the air and catches it. Then with his dominant arm he throws it as hard as he can in my direction. I forgot how good Kyle's aim is. Even though I had attempted to dodge it he still got it right in the middle of my stomach.

I cave in and hold my stomach a bit, "shit, I think there was a rock in that." I mutter.

Kyle approaches me, with a worried expression on his face but before he can ask if I'm okay, I chuck another hidden snowball at him. After that, it's a bit of an all out war. We're sliding and falling on the street, all while continuing to throw snowballs at each other.

It's the most fun I've had in days. We finally call it truce when one of my stray horribly aimed snowballs pegs him in the eye.

I walk over to him laughing the whole way as he tries to get the snow out of his eye.

"Stop laughing!" He says as he laughs, "it isnt funny. This really hurts. There was dirt in that one."

"Here, let me see," I say as I calm my laughter down. Kyle stops rubbing his eye and lets me take a look. I pry open his eye with one of my hands and glance into it. I've always thought Kyle was attractive and being so close to his green eyes only confirms his good looks.

As carefully as I can, I pick out some stray pieces of grass.

"That's as best as I can do, you're going to have to wash it out at Stans, there's still lots of dirt in your eye."

"Great, thanks a lot."

"Hey, where were your great dodging reflexes?"

"Hard to dodge when there's a giant ball of ice headed straight for my head, it's a deer in headlights scenario."

"Whatever, you just cant dodge," I look around at our surroundings. We're two houses from Stan's and from here I can see him outside on his front porch. Leaning against the door frame with his arms and legs crossed as he talks to Wendy who's standing at the door talking to him. I look around, Cartman is nowhere in sight.

Kyle stands beside me, one eye closed tight shut, I cough to keep from laughing at the sight. "Is that Stan and Wendy?" He asks me.

"Yeah."

"What's_ she_ doing there?"

I stare at him when I hear the venom in his voice, but I shrug, though I have my ideas. Maybe I _had_ heard that sigh of yearning earlier at the pond from her. After staring for so long we both witness as Stan shakes his head and as Wendy bursts into tears. I watch as Stan gives an obvious sigh of exasperation but he abandons his earlier disposition and tries and give her a hug but she pushes away and runs off, in our direction.

She slows down when she see's the both of us. Her tears are still free flowing and it doesn't look like she can talk but she manages. "This is your fault," she hisses before retching in another wave of tears and continues to run off toward her house.

Kyle and I look at each other. "Was that aimed at you or me?" I ask him and he shrugs indifferently. He doesn't care, and frankly, neither do I.

When I turn my head back to Stan, I see him already looking at both Kyle and I. I wonder how we look. Both somewhat damp and covered in snow, with Kyle's eye clamped shut while he leans a bit on me, continuing to rub his eye.

I smack his hand away, "stop rubbing your eye."

"Well, it really fucking hurts now!"

"Then come on, Stan's waiting for us anyway."

Kyle looks up with his only good eye and nods.

* * *

**AN: **Yeah, wanted to get that out of the way before I started school. Leaving tomorrow for university and I'm in a pissy mood because of certain idiotic governments who wont give me my fucking money to buy my fucking textbooks just because I'll be a freshman! 

Deep breath. Please read and review! Oh, and just because I started the other SP story, doesn't mean I'm at a block with this one. I'm not, I still have plenty of ideas till the end of this, which originally I thought would be this chapter but I decided to add more. Now I don't know how long it'll be.

_Faery Goddyss :)_


	12. Life Less Frightening

**AN: **Aw man, hurt my brain the other day by simplifying the boys' situation, just so _I, _the creator of this fan fiction, could better understand it. Oh, and… that last chapter wasn't THE last chapter. Sorry.

* * *

**Watch the Pendulum Swing**

Stan didn't say anything as we approached him, but merely let us pass him as we entered the house. Closing the door behind him he turned to face us, looking at the both of us closely.

"You're both wet."

It's good to see he understands our situation so well. "Kyle what's with your eye?" He continues.

"Snowball incident," we both answered together.

"Oh, well you know where the bathroom is."

"Yeah, I'll be right back," he responded and leaves my side to head to the downstairs bathroom, bumping into the wall on the way there.

"Snowball incident?" Stan repeated, turning back to me once Kyle is safely inside the restroom.

I nod, "we had a snowball fight on the way here. I got one in his eye by accident."

Another nod from him.

"Where are you parents? They should have beaten us here, we walked."

"They're stopping to pick up some food. Pizza sound good?"

"Sounds fine."

If crickets lived indoors, I would be hearing them now. I can't get why things feel like this. First the tension with Kyle, but that was cut short with the snowball fight and as I look around, I know I can't get myself out of this tension with the same tactic.

"Stan wha-"

I'm interrupted by Kyle opening the bathroom door and walking out. Both eyes are open but one of them, the one attacked by the ice, is red and slightly puffy due to his rubbing. He looks miserable... and slightly annoyed.

Before any of us can say a word to each other the front door opens and Mr. and Mrs. Marsh bumble in through, carrying two pizza boxes and some of my bags.

"Oh, good, you're all here, could you please get the rest of the-"

The three of us happily take the pizza and head into the kitchen, not allowing Mrs. Marsh to finish her sentence. We munch on the pizza like it'll be our last pie, not talking as we do so. In the middle of our consumption, Stan's mom comes in and lets me know that I'll be staying in Shelly's room like last time before leaving us alone again. When we finish up, Kyle makes some lame excuse for why he has to leave, homework or something of the like and takes off, but not before asking if I'll need help with my own. I tell him I'll be fine and that I'll see him tomorrow, Stan stays mute.

Leaving the empty pizza boxes on the table Stan and I head upstairs to make the bed I'll be sleeping in.

"What's up?" I ask. We might as well get this over with. We can't not talk to each other the whole time I'm here, and I have a bit of a feeling it could be for a much longer time than I was last.

"Huh?" He gives me a confused look as he stuffs a pillow in a pillowcase.

"I mean, what's going on? You bolted from the lake earlier."

"Oh, yeah, I just wanted to get you here as soon as possible. Did things go alright at your parents?"

"As well as they could, I guess. But we can go on about me later. Are you alright? You've been more quiet than usual, is it because of Kyle?"

"Kyle? Like how?"

I shrug, why the hell is he making this so difficult. "Did you leave because you were uncomfortable being around him after that game?"

Stan gives a noncommittal grunt.

"Do I have to get you buzzed before I can get anything out of you every time we talk?" I ask, finally getting frustrated with his behavior.

"What? No, I, its hasn't got much to do with Kyle. Well it does but… it's complicated."

"Alright, well we have weeks, maybe months of being under the same roof so make it less complicated and tell me what's with your new found mood. It's because of that last statement we all had to drink to isn't it?"

He gives me a look from where he's smoothing a corner of a sheet.

"It is." I state. "Well come on, I thought you wanted it to be me and you, I thought you wanted normalcy, things aren't exactly normal but you can still talk to me. Is it Kyle you have the attraction for?"

Stan avoids my eye as he leans over to adjust a quilt that doesn't need adjusting. "You answer first."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you drank from the bottle too, what male friend are you attracted to?"

I scratch my head giving him an odd look, "look Stan, I don't know how much you know about my um… sexual life, but I'm not really… picky, if you get what I mean."

"I know that."

"You do? From who?" I ask, slightly worried that maybe he has learned of that night with Tweek, the one I regret more than anything I've ever done.

His response was giving me a look that said it was obvious. Okay, so I wasn't trying hard to keep that secret. The one of my orientation anyway.

"Right," I tell him. "I guess you could say I'm attracted to anyone that's attractive."

"Does that include Kyle?" He asks me plainly.

That… was unexpected.

"Because you mentioned that one time that I should bask at the idea that Kyle liked me because he was one hot Jew, with his creamy complextion and green eyes, as you put it." He looked pointedly at me, waiting for my reply.

"Err… I guess I am, yes."

He looked off and nodded to nothing in general before walking over to close his bedroom door. I watched him closely as he walked toward me.

"And you? Who did you drink that bottle for?" I asked slowly.

Stan looked so unsure of himself as if he was fighting an inner demon, because his eyes look troubled. He's fidgeting and trying his damnedest not to meet my eyes, that were curiously seeking him out. I kept thinking what Kyle had said. He's attracted to me, Stan's attracted to me.

Maybe… he is.

"What about… what about me? Are you attr- um, that is, do you feel the same way about me that you do Kyle?"

He's seriously asking me this and I can't think of a reaction, he ends up having to say it again as he walks a little closer, closing in on my personal space so we're only inches apart. He's so close I can smell his breath and I realize just how hard he's breathing. He's a bit red in the face, from slight embarrassment, but other than that he looks rather confident.

Even though I am attracted to Stan, Kyle's face is what I see. That smile, that fake smile that gave me permission to ravish Stan if I so chose too. I'm just now starting to make the most of my best friends, of learning what they're about and how they feel underneath the invisible cloth that they wear in public and at school.

Wait, did I think-… I _am_ attracted to Stan. That isn't something that I've readily agreed to, yet it doesn't mean I want something to come from it. But looking at him, I know that's complete bullshit. Stan would be great for me, I think he would. He's already made me feel needed even if I did see it as a selfish need at first. Now though, I can see his want.

If I give Stan the answer, I think, he wants, Kyle's veil is going to close back down, never mind that he gave his permission. He'd still be crushed and he deserves more than that. He deserves a good set of friends just as I do, just as Stan does.

"I don't." I finally say, and Stan stops where his head was moving in toward my own. He pulls back and scrunches his eyebrows together.

"You're lying," and before I can protest I feel his lips on my own. I never thought Stan would have the confidence to make such a foreign move, but I don't have much time to analyze it because I'm getting lost in the kiss. He's fighting to claim dominance and I break out of my dreamy haze and fight back. I've never been the submissive one and I don't plan to start now.

In between our lips clashing together I grab a hold of him and pull back, "this isn't going to work if you don't let me take over," I say in a breath before resuming our contact. I can feel him give in and I smile which makes him smile back and allows me further entrance into his mouth.

Fuck, he's a good kisser.

My hands begin to roam, I want to feel this body I've been looking at for years, I want to know every curve, and fully explore the toned muscles. When I feel something hard against my thigh, I'm snapped out of what's happening. I have to remember. This is Stan, he's never been with a guy, I can't just dive in as much as I want too, and besides… I also remember Kyle.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I end up pushing Stan pretty hard away from me. We're both panting from the lack of air and I have to rub my hands over my face and hair. I need to calm down. He's staring at me like I've lost all my brain cells and attempts to grab a hold of me, but I pull back like his hand is acid.

"Fuck, god, I know." He starts as he begins pacing. "I promised myself that I wouldn't do this, that I would let Kyle have you because of all the past false accusations. That Kyle deserved you more than I did, and he does. He works so hard in school to please his mom that he hardly has anything for himself but, shit Kenny, I can't." He turns back to look at me.

I'm confused. "What?"

"I can't let Kyle have you, I should, it'd be the friend thing to do but I can't."

"Stan… Kyle and I just want to be friends."

"What?" He asks, now he's confused. "But the guy he drank for… and I saw you two holding hands and getting close, I thought…"

I shake my head slowly back and forth. That's why he's been like this since the lake, because of mine and Kyle's brief closeness? He was trying to restrain himself from doing, what we just did.

"Then who is he-, Oh."

He understands it. Finally.

"Me?" He asks to double check.

I nod.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but he wasn't ever going to tell you."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"I'll have to talk to him."

"No. Don't… if you talk to him and let him know you realize he does like you he'll never get over it. Everything'll just be awkward and that was something he didn't want, which was why you weren't ever supposed to know."

"…Okay, but than you and I?"

It's an incomplete sentence, but I know what he means and I shake my head.

"Why not?"

"Kyle," I say simply, but I can see that isn't a good enough answer for him. I sit on his bed and look at my hands. Stan stares at me for a moment before sitting beside me, yet not very close. I'm glad he can sense I don't want his touch right now, because if he touched me… god, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

"Kyle figured out that I was who you were attracted too, and he gave me the go ahead. He said that it was alright with him if we became more than friends."

I looked over at him. He still doesn't understand.

"He can't really be okay with it. He can't. I know he isn't, and he was willing to let us be… something, but I can't do that to him. I couldn't possibly take something he's wanted for so many years."

Stan's eyes widen slightly, "but he-"

"You understand right? You were, for awhile anyway, willing to give up me for Kyle when you thought he liked me and Kyle was willing to do the same and so am I."

"But… but that's just stupid! So none of us get what we want!"

"I know… but think about it. Now that you know Kyle's feelings would you really be able to say "fuck Kyle" and get something out of this?" I gesture back and forth at him.

He slumps back down on the bed beside me, "no. But for once I wish I could." He looks up. "One more kiss?"

I don't even hesitate to nod, and I just go in, I want one more as well.

This time the hasty searching is over, instead it's replaced with desperation from his side. He wants me to change my mind, but I wont and deep down I know he wouldn't want me to.

I don't think we would have ever really pulled away, but we hear a knock on the door and jumped apart from each other just as his mom walks in.

She looks around suspiciously, "are you boys done making the bed?"

"No," we say and she gives us a curious look.

"Well hurry along then, I want you to get on your homework, it's been an interesting day so I know neither of you has even started and Kenny," she looks at me. "I know your grades so don't think I won't be hounding you. You will be graduating; no second son of mine is going to be a second year."

I smile and nod, she smiles back and leaves, keeping the door opened.

* * *

**AN: **Well? Disappointed? Please read and review 

_Faery Goddyss :)_


	13. A Routine Love Song

**AN: **Sorry this took some time to pump out. Just entered university and have realized from now on, until breaks I won't have much free time.

* * *

**Watch the Pendulum Swing  
**

_A Routine Love Song; Love is a Verb_

I've been living at the Marsh's for three weeks now and I've only heard from my mom once. Typical, I'm not worried, disappointed maybe, but not worried. I think if things really got bad, not that they weren't before, I believe she'd leave. I'm just waiting for the day that she realizes that when dad hits her it isn't because he loves her. Until then, I'm here. I haven't heard from Kevin at all, but that was expected and I don't think I will. He was always blind to the situation and having to live at his friends has probably hit him with a shock he doesn't understand. If we were that certain type of siblings, I'd be there for him so we could deal with this together, but we're not, so we wait and hope for the best on our own.

The mid-terms have come and gone and I passed, barely but I managed, so for now, my prospect of graduating isn't hanging from such a thin thread. After the whole situation with Stan things became understandably uncomfortable. I had wondered for awhile how we'd deal with one another, living in the same house and all, but because of the mid-terms I spent far more time at Kyle's as he helped me study.

I never did fully explain to him what went on between Stan and me, but he knows something happened, granted he hasn't asked. Though, things between them have gone back to normal. Stan has been acting as if he never knew Kyle ever had a thing for him and that seems to sit with Kyle fine. On the outside anyway, I still catch him, on occasion, staring at him wistfully when he isn't looking, when he doesn't think I'm looking. He's doing it right now actually.

Stan is rummaging through his backpack for something, "Kyle."

He turns his head to look at me as I call out for him. I give him a lopsided smile and he gives me a look that says he knows he's been caught.

Stan jerks up from his bag when Cartmans obese frame walks into him; Cartman gives him a sneer before continuing to walk toward Craig and the others. Cartman no longer thinks we're worthy of his company since he has a girlfriend. In actuality I think it's because he's tired of his girlfriend eyeing her ex-boyfriend with hungry eyes.

I watch as he sits next to Clyde, with Wendy on his other side. He possessively puts an arm around her waist and I watch as she does all she can not to tense at his touch. Regardless that I don't have to for either of them, I feel bad for both Wendy and fat ass. Cartman, as much as a prick as he is, does genuinely like Wendy. He always has really; yet, it's obvious to everyone except him that he'll never really have her.

And Wendy, she's being a bitch about the whole situation, but I feel for her as well. She doesn't really want to be with Eric. He's just a replacement because she can't get anyone better and I think she secretly hopes that someday Stan will get jealous and come around.

It's a sad couple to watch .Wendy's always been one to speak out about accepting your differences and doing what you think is right, not following the crowd just so you'll be accepted and shit like that, but deep down she's no better than any other teenager. She wants to be accepted by her peers as much as everyone else does. And Wendy Testaburger can not, not have a boyfriend. Even if that boyfriend is Eric Cartman.

Kyle sees me watching Wendy and Cartman, "hey Stan?" He asks.

"Yeah?"

"What happened that day when Kenny and I saw you with Wendy at your doorstep?"

Oh yeah, we never did find out what that was all about.

Stan brushes a few stray strains of hair from his face, "she wanted to get back together, even though I already flat out refused her before. Then she started crying over it." He shrugged. "I tired to comfort her over it, but she wasn't having any of it and ran off, you guys saw that part."

"I feel bad for her," I voice my earlier thoughts and they look at me wondrously, but I offer no further explanation.

"Yeah," Kyle goes on for me. "She is stuck with that fat fuck isn't she?"

"It was her decision, it's not like he forced her." Stan adds and we all look at each other in curiosity. Who knows, maybe Cartman did somehow force her or blackmail her. None of us would put it past him.

"Anyway," Kyle stands with his tray. "I have some extra credit to finish up with in Beard's class, so I'm taking off."

"You, extra credit?" Stan asks his eyes widening. "For what? Don't you already have like 102 percent in that class?"

"Yeah, but if I do the extra credit I'll have 110 and then I can afford to slack off a bit when finals come around. See ya guys after school." He waves and walks off, and out of the cafeteria, leaving Stan and I alone for the first time since the time we had that confrontation in my bedroom.

It's hard to imagine that we haven't been alone since, but we've been pretty good at making sure other people are in rooms with us at all times. Instead of trying to make conversation, I go back to eating the lunch that Mrs. Marsh made for me.

The rest of lunch is going to be awful awkward silence. I can already tell, but when I lift my head slightly I see Kyle behind the cafeteria doors. When he realizes he has caught my eye he gestures for me to come over. I look at Stan who's scribbling some notes while eating and stand up.

His head comes up when I do, I see his questioning look.

"I'll be right back," I tell him.

He says nothing but gives a nod of registration and returns back to his notes. Leaving my lunch and him behind I walk out the doors and look at Kyle.

"Yeah?" I ask once the doors have closed behind me and we're out of sight from the windows.

"I haven't had the chance to talk to you alone since mid-terms, dude, what's up with you and Stan? You two are like oil and water now."

I rub my neck to stall for a second of time, "nothing."

"Bullshit, I thought you two would be in each others pants by now, especially knowing your habits."

I gawk at his casual tone. This isn't the same Kyle that a few weeks ago was holding in tears. He shifts his stance as he waits for my answer.

"I,-", fuck. I sorta never wanted to tell him this, when I explain he gives me a sour look.

"I said I was okay with it Kenny."

"And I don't believe you."

He gives me an annoyed stare. "Do you like him Kenny?"

"Er…" I'm never this shy about whom I like, but it's different with Stan because it isn't about a quick fuck when I need and want one.

"Alright, questioned answered," Kyle nods with a smile.

"Never mind it, I still see you gawking at him."

"Yeah, but probably not for the reason you think. I mean, yeah Kenny, I still like him, how can I not, but, I know it'll pass. Besides, do you know what he's been doing when he goes through his backpack?"

Huh?

"His… stuff?" Is my reply.

"He needs to go through his backpack over fifty times a day? Don't think so, try and cop a look if you can."

I fold my arms, "you're acting odd."

Kyle waves his hand dismissively, "I just want things right. There's no point why all of us ought to be depressed for the rest of the year."

"Depressed!"

"I'm kidding, just kidding. I'm going to be okay because I at least have my best friend back… out of my two best friends anyway."

I give him a smile, "I don't know Kyle…"

"Kenny, where's your fuck everyone attitude when it comes to getting what you want?"

"I grew a conscious?"

Shaking his head at me Kyle grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me, "stop fucking around." He stops shaking me suddenly and I see him look up behind me. "Here's your chance."

I turn and see Stan giving us a weird look, "oh shit!" Kyle exclaims. "Beards still waiting for me, I really do have to go now."

Watching him as he sprints off, Stan walks into my view, "what was that all about, why was he shaking you like that?"

"He's lost it, why're you out here?"

"You didn't come back so I assumed you went out for a smoke or something."

"No, Kyle called me out actually. Hey," I begin when I notice his bag slipped over his shoulder. "Can I borrow a pen?"

Stan raises a brow at me but begins to open his backpack; I peer in as he digs for one, not realizing I'm looking in as well. I don't see anything out of the ordinary: notebooks, binders, random papers that have no place and some cd's but nothing more.

With more shuffling I see it. Beneath all that is a picture. The one that reminded me that I had two friends, not one. The one Butters had taken, but something's off about the picture and I see what it is at once. It's a photocopy; it isn't the original because in this one Kyle isn't in it. It's just Stan and I.

"Kenny?"

I look up startled and see Stan holding out a pen for me. I give him a confused look.

"What do I need a pen for?"

"What are you talking about? You just asked me for one!"

My eyes flicker back to the exposed picture and he follows my eyes direction, a dawning comes over his face and he reddens, tossing the pen back in.

"As if you don't see me every day," I muse.

"Yeah well…" he trails off, having nothing to stay.

I study him as he studies everything and everyone around us, but me. With things having been uncomfortable around the both of us together, I hadn't noticed until this moment how sullen he's been looking. Is that because of me?

I almost want to chastise myself for feeling a sudden apprehensive feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel almost giddy because Stan doesn't know it yet, but we are going to make something out of what we have. Something better, because I want and need him just like he needs and wants me.

I smile and just as he can sense so many of my emotions he finally stops trying to avoid my gaze and looks up and our eyes lock. He looks uncertain at my smile and just when the bell rings and a surge of students head out of the cafeteria, I make a slow grab at his free hand. He watches me and doesn't move even though we're getting jostled by the crowd.

If people are watching I don't know and I don't think he knows either. In the midst of the high school pandemonium, blurs go by us unregistered. I bring his hand up against my cheek just so I can breathe in his scent. For a football player he's got the softest hands I've ever held. I close my eyes as I take in his personal smell relishing the thought that I can be with him, that Kyle allowed it, that things are finally looking up.

To have him as someone I never want to let go of. To know that Kyle is in our corner but not stuck there, able to come out and join us, makes me think that if this is how things are going to be from now, I'll never mind routine again.

_The End

* * *

_**AN: **I half love and half hate the ending. Well, I hope everyone liked the story! Thanks everyone for reading and please give me one last review for this story, I also want you to check out my new SP story, _'The Boy who Loved Tweek Tweak.'_ I know it's not the most used pairing (I think I'm the first…?) but it'll have aspects like this one did. A mellow feel to it, a slice of life.

_Faery Goddyss :)_


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